Build your confidence from the inside out

Tamsin meets personal brand, image and success coach Janine Coney. They talk about the impact that working on understanding yourself and your values can have on your confidence and resilience.

Janine Coney, Own Your Style UK Personal Brand, Image and Success Coach Janine’s coaching services help motivated, ambitious women in business and female entrepreneurs discover confidence, strategies and a unique toolkit to create a powerful personal brand and image for life. Time to be seen, heard and remembered! Janine is an accredited Style Coach™, Image Consultant and Marketing Pro and has worked in media, marketing, branding, HR, events management and styling for 30 years. She has worked with some of the leading coaches worldwide through styling and personal branding, learning first-hand how a confident personal image can truly empower you.

Visit her

Tamsin is a Chartered Financial Planner with over 20 years experience. She works with couples and individuals who are at the end of a relationship and want agree how to divide their assets FAIRLY without a fight.

You can contact Tamsin at or arrange a free initial meeting using She is also part of the team running Facebook group Separation, Divorce and Dissolution UK

Tamsin Caine MSc., FPFS
Chartered Financial Planner
Smart Divorce Ltd

P.S. I am the co-author of “My Divorce Handbook – It’s What You Do Next That Counts”, written by divorce specialists and lawyers writing about their area of expertise to help walk you through the divorce process. You can buy it by scanning the QR code…
Scan me


(The transcript has been created by an AI, apologies for any mistakes)

Tamsin Caine 0:06
Hello, and welcome to the Smart Divorce podcast. In series five, my guests will be helping you to come out of your divorce, dissolution, or big breakup and create a different you move forward with the things that you want to be able to achieve and think about things differently. I really hope you enjoy this series. I'm your host, Tamsin Caine. And we'll be meeting some fabulous guests. I hope you enjoy them. If you do have any suggestions as to the guests that we could have on, then we'd be more than delighted to hear from you. I hope you enjoy. Hello, and welcome to today's episode. I am so excited to be joined today by Janine Coney from Own Your Style UK. She is a personal brand image and success coach. Hi, Janine, how you doing?

Janine Coney 1:04
Hello, I'm fine. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here.

Tamsin Caine 1:09
It's an absolute pleasure. And you know, we've been trying to get together for a little while because I know this conversation is going to be so incredibly valuable for our listeners. So let me tell you a bit back Denise. So Janine's coaching service helps motivated ambitious women in business and female entrepreneurs to discover and competent strategies and the unique toolkit to create a powerful personal brand and image for life. Time to be seen, heard and remembered. I love that. So exciting. So to name is an accredited style coach, Image Consultant and marketing professional has worked in media marketing, branding, HR, events, management and styling 30 years, which I can't quite fathom, you must have been terribly ongoing. Now, she has worked with some of the leading coaches worldwide, worldwide through styling and personal branding, learning firsthand how a competent personal image can truly empower you. And I came across Janine through through a friend who is a client of Denise and was just kind of really had this experience that she wanted to share with the world. And I felt that it was there that Janine has something to offer that I felt would be would be massively valuable for us to talk about. So I guess that kind of starting point for me is that when people go through traumatic experiences, they tend to lose their confidence and their sense of self. And I feel like images is a massive part of that.

Janine Coney 2:51
Yeah, is a massive part of it. And there are lots of life experiences that people go through. I think from a very early age as well, that kind of change and and make us kind of conform and become the person that we think we ought to be. And what I find with a lot of people from a style point of view is we find that are they actually dressing for themselves? Or are they dressing for someone else? Or are they dressing for a life they have? Or are they dressing for a life they used to have? A lot of people get lost in their style. And a lot of people are trying to emulate somebody else's style. But actually, it's not right for them. So it's quite incredible how your image and how you are seen is obviously a big part of what you are. I know that a lot of people feel that image can be, well, maybe it's something you'll hear a lot of people say, Well, does it really matter? Why where does it really matter what people think of us. And actually, we're all human, and we are built to care what other people think. So when people say I don't care, they kind of do really. And your image is a big part of how you're seen as well. A big, big part of it. So you want to make sure that it's reflecting the true you. And what I find with so many women is actually that they've lost themselves throughout the decades. And reflecting themselves just doesn't become easy, and they don't feel confident in themselves and they feel lost.

Tamsin Caine 4:27
Yeah, I think we were talking before, before we started recording about the fact that often you go from being somebody's daughter and conforming as a teenager to fit in with all your friends to be perhaps a wife and a mother where it's a whole different type of conforming. You've got the school gates to worry about or or being the kind of glamorous lover on somebody's arm. And you kind of whether you even ever find yourself In all of that, before you come out of the other side, and I think quite often when you come out of divorce, it's perhaps the first time you're getting to know yourself. What's your experience with that?

Janine Coney 5:11
Okay, well go to two things. I mean, having having been through a divorce myself at a very young age, but just go back to that one thing you said earlier, when you're talking about teenagers, and what have you. So you think when we all come out the womb, and we're running around as toddlers, actually, we don't give a damn, we don't give a damn what we're wearing, we don't really care what anybody's thinking of us, that's just built in us. Because obviously, we let we have to learn to behave, you know, in certain situations, and we learn, you know, when somebody says to us when we're very young, so, you know, it happens, it's part of growing up, you know, we feel self conscious in what we're wearing, or, or something that we've worn discord, that suddenly that embeds in us and all those things we then take through with us throughout our, like, teenage life into our 20s say that they all sort of make a massive impact. But going back to what you said, from my point of view, when I was very young, actually, I got married at 21. And we were, it was very young really then. And, and yeah, it didn't last that long, it was 18 months, we won't go into obviously, all the details of that. But afterwards, I had a choice of whether I could have obviously at that age would have been very easy to have gone home, or whether to actually, you know, gone home as in gone home to my parents house. But I decided I wasn't going to do that. And actually my image and how I felt, because I lost a lot of weight, a lot of weight to the stress and anxiety. And I was suffering very, very badly with panic attacks at that time. But it was actually in my image and clothes and how I felt or kind of wear my armour and my strength through that particular time. And it was a kind of a rebirthing period of myself too, which I know we'll talk to talk about in more detail, and how I kind of discovered myself and actually, that was like a catalyst to lead me eventually to where I am in what I do and how I help women now. And I think what I went through in those sort of my early 20s, and my 30s kind of built me as it does all of us, all of us into who I am, what I am and what I do today and how I help women in their image today. Because I know how important is

Tamsin Caine 7:28
Yeah, no, absolutely. It's really interesting, your description of a rebirth that I've, I think that a lot of a lot of people coming out the other side of divorce or do find them, I kind of use this analogy quite a lot that it feels like almost you've been in this chrysalis, and you kind of burst out of your chrysalis. Now watch women kind of grow their wings and, and start to fly as they, as they find who they who they really, truly are. And you see that in your work as well?

Janine Coney 8:00
Well I do. And I've seen it throughout the years, other people as well who've said to me at the time, how did you cope with it or whatever, and anybody who's been through it can say that, I look back in hindsight and go, you will be okay. But when you're going through it at that time, obviously dependent on situations, but I don't think it matters what the situation is, when you've split from somebody, you're sad, and there's been time invested in it and everything else. And you know, I just feel that. Taking that time, then to kind of rediscover who I was. But for me, I don't even think I was doing that at that point. I was just surviving, and clothes and how I look to work my way of getting through that situation. And I look back on that now. And I think how sort of strong is that, that they have that much influence on me? I have to say it wasn't till I started doing the inner work because as I said, I was suffering quite badly with anxiety at that time. That didn't go away. And that's a very interesting point to make. Because some people can go well, I've dressed like that, why don't I feel better? Yeah. So that might give you how you want to look on the outside. But it doesn't always change how you feel on the inside. And that's why it's really important. And it kind of leads me on to another thing I know we're going to talk about, but that's why it's important to reconnect with who you are on the inside, and to discover how you want to be seen how you don't want to be seen. But it's all about your personal brand, who you are, what your values are, what you stand for. And then you're able to connect with the person that you want to portray that you want to be seen as, and you're not going out there. Trying even sometimes, you know not not consciously but trying not to be somebody else or trying to step into the shoes of somebody else. And then that's when true Self Confidence comes through. When you understand who you are on the inside. Now you want to portray that On the outside as well, and that can serve you well, in any stage of your life or your career.

Tamsin Caine 10:06
Yeah, absolutely. It's interesting. A few things that you that you said there, quite often, I work with people who come and see me right at the beginning of the processes, they're separating and about to go through divorce. And that quite often, I'll suggest they're going to see somebody about the emotional aspect somebody a coach, or a therapist to give them support through that. Yeah. And what I found is that the people who don't get that support really early on, need it much later. You know, it might not be immediately following divorce that they find they need it. But suddenly, it'll hit them like a truck. Yeah. And it'll be like, yes, now I need now I need that help. And, and I can speak to that, personally, because I didn't get the help upfront. And then it hit me much later that I needed that emotional support. And that, to do that work on on the inside of me, and I'm still doing that, you know, it's kind of I've been working on the inside of me for the last two years, and then no longer work in progress, I think I'm probably always be a work in progress.

Janine Coney 11:12
Everybody is, we all evolve, we all change. The trouble comes when actually people don't think that they can evolve or change, and they get a bit stuck. But we all evolve and change, you know, whatever period of our life we're in, and we're always developing, and we always have to learn more about ourselves and the inner work is constant. That actually, and I talk about this a lot, we have to learn as women to be our own best friends. Okay? Because one of the things you think, and I'm not going to put you in, I'm not going to ask you but you think probably about how you talk to yourself sometimes in the mirror. You know, if you really think about what you say, Would you would you ever say to a friend, what you say to yourself sometimes in a mirror and this you know, I talk to women about this a lot when we do my do my retreat days. And we don't we wouldn't word way we would get rid of friends. But we would do that to ourselves. So we have to learn what are the first steps is learning and one of the first things I do people because people think the first thing I'll do is go into somebody's wardrobe. But it's not it's actually way down the line, one of the first things we do is talk about you talk about the person, talk about how they are how they feel how they want to feel, you know, and it's about that inner competence, and about genuinely being kind to yourself. And it's a lesson in life that I think we all have as women in general, because we charge around the place, doing 1000 things, being everything to everybody else, and actually leaving ourselves with very little for ourselves. So we have to learn to love ourselves first. And that's like one of the biggest lessons and the whole imposter syndrome. And so yeah, it's kind of you can see when we work on all those things. And then you start working on all this stuff on the outside as well about how you look and feel you can see that the two together, you're like, Yay, I feel great.

Tamsin Caine 13:05
That's such a such a massive thing, isn't it to start to speak kindly to yourself and as you say, to, to love yourself. And you know, you hear quite often people saying, well, you you're not be able to love somebody else until you can love yourself and that, that we're not we're not great at loving ourselves. I don't know if it's an English thing, or if it's a global thing, but I think a better maybe it's a British thing.

Janine Coney 13:32
Generally bought out, you know not, don't be selfish. Think of other people. You know, and we do, let's be honest, those of us who've got children, our children, obviously, obviously we do with our children. And I'm not suggesting when we say love ourselves and be kind to yourself before everybody else that you're like turning into like the most selfish person. But one question like so another thing I'll do with the group is I'll say to people write down, write down your five top things that you need to get done today. Because I want your brain to be clear. So write down for me, the top five things that today you need to get done. And we will do that. And not one of those things that they've written down. We make time for myself, sometimes somebody might pop I'm going to the gym, but never is going to make time for me. Me Time, which is something we should carve out for ourselves. Even if it's like 15 minutes. We all know about this, when whichever way form we can, we should try and carve out some time for ourselves for our own minds that to you know, don't want to get too woowoo on you. But you know, it's just really, really important.

Tamsin Caine 14:38
Yeah, absolutely. Like even that I was listening to I'm a bit obsessed with Franklin Chatterjee at the minute. I was listening to his podcast he was well who him talking on Jonny Wilkinson's podcast which is called Am I Am, which is fabulous. Fabulous. If you've never heard it, it's great. And he was talking about See how even standing in a coffee shop queue, you'll still be on your phone, checking Instagram, sending an email, getting something done, where, you know, 1015 years ago, you didn't have that, in your hand constantly on the go. So you'd be looking around, you might see somebody, no, you might say, hi, you might chat away to somebody you've never met before. But it would just be that kind of space to give your brain to kind of just absorb, be in the moment take in what's going on. And I think, like we don't, we don't plan for that. We don't even allow it to happen when we don't plan for

Janine Coney 15:44
it. And social media again, you know, it's Wow, it's got so much to answer for now, isn't it? I mean, I, again, I suggest to people you know, in the first thing in the morning is not to pick up your phone. And so many people's and I've been guilty of it, too, you know, it's picking up your phone, and then you're you're lost down a rabbit hole on you have checking emails, looking at the news, looking at Instagram, looking at a feed and you can you can actually bring your mood down before you've even started the day. And years ago, we just wasn't there was it? You didn't do that? You know, and we have to kind of I think it's about setting boundaries and managing our time and managing what we do. And that has to be come part of it now is managing our mindset and setting our day up the right way.

Tamsin Caine 16:30
Yeah, I think you're so right. I think that is fairly important. One of the things that you've mentioned, is personal brand. That's kind of quite, I think, quite a new phrase

Janine Coney 16:45
I like his new phrase. Yeah, yeah. It's really interesting.

Tamsin Caine 16:49
Yeah, it's I, I find it hard to know what it actually means. And in fact, I think brand is quite difficult. Because if you look at, you know, even the kind of commercial brands that we think of, you know, Donaldson, and what people quite often think that it means the the logo, the colours,

Janine Coney 17:11
Always, always around is the colours and the logo. And people and actually only somebody said to me this morning, well, am I a brand, every single one of us is a brand, especially in this digital world. If you go google yourself, and see what you know what comes up, other people will find out about you. And, you know, in the world of, you know, where people are dating online, where people apply for jobs online, I know having worked in HR, people will look look people up, you know. So we all have the ability to manage our own brands. But going back to your question, kind of what is a brand when it's a personal brand, your personal brand? Is it your personal style is obviously what you're wearing on the outside? Yeah, your personal brand is who you are on the inside, and how you reflect on the outside. It's basically your reputation. It's what other people say about you when you leave the room. And you want obviously that to be positive stuff. Yeah. So when you're in business, that really counts more than any other time and not just in business, when it's your career, when you're going for a job interview, or you're looking to move up the career ladder, you want people to be saying the right things about you. But you also want them to be hearing and reading the right things about you too. And when you walk in a room, I don't think you've heard this before, you will only have seven seconds to make a first impression on somebody that you've never met before. And that's before you've even spoken a word. Yeah. So we both think we're doing it because I know. And I've done it too. I'd be like, No, I don't, I don't form an opinion. But subconsciously we do it. Okay. So when it's in a particular situation, and let's, you know, keep this real, if it's in an interview scenario, or walking in. I mean, most people don't like walking in a pub or a restaurant straight away, or, you know, meeting a stranger, within like that first few seconds of the meeting, they will have formed an opinion of you. So I'm not talking when you go down to Tesco express to pick up the Sunday newspaper. But let's be honest, that's always the time you bump into somebody isn't it when you don't want to, but, but when the time is when it really counts, you want your personal brand to come across and you need it to represent you. Now, if you are professional in business, or you know or whatever your career may be, then you want to put across an authentic, you know, an authentic version of yourself or not even a version of yourself version. You want to be totally authentic in who you are. Because if you're not well ultimately you'll get found out because you can't try and be somebody else for too long. So you need to find out who you are and you need to display what your values are what you believe in so that people can connect with you so that they make a true emotional genuine connection. because at the end of the day, when you are working with other people over people, I don't want to say people buy from people, because that's the old fashion phase. But people connect with people they buy from people. They don't, you know, it's all about making a true connection. And when you understand your personal brand, that's about understanding what you are on the inside, as well as what you are on the outside, as well.

Tamsin Caine 20:23
You're absolutely right on that, because I think even in the days of social media, well, we're all for more out there aren't they're not? Well, you know, I know that, quite often, my clients will have listened to my podcast, or seen my YouTube channel or connected with me on social media. And now, they'll have an image of who I am and what I'm going to be like to work with, even before I know who they are, because they they hide in plain sight. And it's not about it's not about them actually hiding, it's just that they've not directly connected with me yet. But they might be watching what's going on, they might be watching the sort of person that I might be. And I need to make sure that whatever that is that I'm portraying, is what I want people to think about. And I think it's I think that's what you're saying,

Janine Coney 21:16
Yeah, that's exactly it. Yeah, you want it to be the right message that people are getting. Now where it gets bigger is obviously then if you start employing people, that's your personal brand, then your brand becomes your business brand, as well as your personal brand. And you want those people who will working on you to be reflecting your brand and representing your brand. But ultimately, we are our own personal brands. And that's why it's so important that we get that right.

Tamsin Caine 21:42
Yeah, absolutely. So I'm, I'm really fascinated by by how, what's inside of me, and what I am learning about what's inside of me how you get into that? I think, yeah, I'm going to start with that question. How do we get into really, you know, finding out who we are, when we've come from a place where we perhaps haven't been able to be ourselves for a long time?

Janine Coney 22:15
Okay, well, let's talk about this from when people come to me from Skype or point of view. And, and, and I'm helping them pull out their personal brand. starts with a conversation of who, you know, who are you? And how do you want to be seen? Yeah, where are you in your life? And what's important to you? What are your values? Yeah, what are your real values, and a real deep one here is like, especially when you've got children or people around you. So what values do you instil in your children? Because I bet you there'll be values that are really, really important to you in your life, too? And do you stand by those values? Are you living by those values? And then I will also from an when we're talking an image point of view, I will say to somebody, right, how do you feel you're seeing right now? Was it how you want to be seen? And then we'll go into that, you know, that those sort of deeper questions from that, ultimately, they'll start so sort of saying, No, I'm not, I'm feeling stuck, or, you know, my life's changed. And I don't really know where I am, or how to take my style forward. And I don't like my body too much at the moment, and what do I do about that? But then we start looking at, like, how do you want to be seen them. And I'll always suggest that they have a look at something like, like a Pinterest board, and I will start building one with them. And I'll say to people don't, don't start asking for other people's opinions here, start looking at it yourself, and start pinning things onto your board that just resonate with you, I don't want you to be I would never wear that at the moment. You know, like, I don't want to be doing the whole, no, I couldn't afford that at the moment, I just want you to just start really resonating with the things that the pieces that stand out to you, as well as the pieces and things that stand out to you in an architectural kind of way, or in a lifestyle kind of way, just so that we can start building and they can really start looking at who they are and what they like. And then we started to pull out the words from that as well. You know, because a lot of people talk about, like comfort, comfort comes up a lot for people, especially in what they're wearing, but also you in their lifestyle, the things they have around them. So that draws quite a lot out as well because you've got to understand your own personality, your own personality, and who you are. And that's a big part of it. And some people haven't actually stopped to delve in and go, Oh, who am I? What are what do I really believe in? This isn't just about personal brand. This is just you know, personal style yourself. And what do you actually believe in what's really important to you? And then when we start to build the mood board We really start to look into it. There's a series of questions I take people through, which then helps them define which within like, there's five different style personalities that they can fall into. So we will look at that, and we'll go, Okay, we understand what your values are. And a lot of when people say to me what's really important to them, it's amazing how that then comes through into their personal, their style personality as well.

Tamsin Caine 25:27
Rarely stunned by that?

Janine Coney 25:32
Absolutely. It comes out massively. For instance, there's, if you if you are a natural style, personality, comfort is usually key to you. Okay. So then I'll find that those people will have been pinning loads of things as I just started to hone in on one that sort of fall into that, or they'll talk about their life and how they don't really want to push any boundaries too much. And, yeah, so there's just different things that people say that kind of start lending me and I think, right, I can see where you're looking to go here. Also, another thing is you start asking people about how they used to dress when they were, you know, like I started on a day, whenever a child, did you like dressing up. And I had a client who she used to love, like shoes, and handbags, and like, what sort of wacky sort of styles and yet but she turned over the years very corporate, because she'd worked in corporate. So she turned very corporate. And when we realised that she had been suppressing that sort of that dramatic part of her style personality that still wanted to come out and be seen. I've had women come to me who have been in their 50s or 60s. And they have said, I can only I feel like I can't work Hello anymore, I need to be where I should just be black. So why do you feel like you just should just be well, now? Because people do as they get older, then actually, we discovered that she had a real bubbly personality. And if you have a real bubbly personality, do you genuinely want to be hiding away in black all the time? No, you don't you want that to be coming through because the psychology of colour is really, really strong as well. And the power of colour in what you wear and your mood and how it affects other people's moods. So you know, those are all things that I can really start to see if somebody is like pinning loads of items that are very dark. Okay, why are you doing that? Does that match your personality? Why do you think you can't wear that? So it's all like piecing together think a bit of a big puzzle. So we're starting to look inside you and say like, what's important to you? Where do you want to go in your life? How you're going to get there? Can we get you there? Because we can look, we look at that. And then we started to look at there, okay, let's look at your personality, and is your style reflect your personality or not. And then we move on to the more sensitive ship subject of body shape, which I wish it wasn't called body shape, because I don't like categorising people into boxes at all. It's, it's not I just find that I've had, it's probably the area with most women that they feel most sensitive about. And let's be honest, if we all know what the body shapes are, who wants to be sat there and said, Well, you're around or something like that. Yeah, you know, if you are carrying more weight on your tummy, you don't want to be, it's just I don't find it, that very positive experience for people. So I work around that in a in a very different way as well. And I always talk about understanding the rules of dressing and dressing to balance your proportions. And that's a whole nother subject altogether, doing all of that, you know, horizontally and vertically. But it's about accentuating your best parts, balancing your proportions. And, you know, this is no news to everybody. But you know what, we all have wobbly bits. Most things you see in photographs in magazines, and are airbrushed. You know, we all have wobbly bits that we don't like, but we're usually way more conscious of them than anybody else says. We have to learn to embrace again and love our bodies and learn how to make the best of those parts. And if we need to draw attention from other parts of our body, then I help women discover how to do that and how to wear their clothes with confidence. So we kind of go through if you can see like a bit of a systematic approach, but it always starts with the inner work, and then pulling out the style personality. And then looking at let's just call it as it is sort of body style, body shape, and how to wear things and how to look good and feel good. And by that point on its own. I've usually seen people's we're always seeing people's confidence, like totally sort of changed around and then only then after that, do I start g oing into people's wardrobes and only after that do we go shopping

Tamsin Caine 30:01
Oh, wow. Yeah,

Janine Coney 30:03
I in my services, I don't take people shopping initially. For me, if you want to do that, then you can go into a shop. And you can do that. And they've there's some great shoppers in in the shops. But what I would say then is they don't know you inside out. Yeah. Do you know yourself inside out, they don't know you. And I've heard lots of stories about people who've bought clothes, you know, they've been bought to them in the changing rooms, and they bought them taken them home and not worn them. And actually only 20% genuinely of women's clothes get worn 80% Stay or more in your wardrobes. That's the statistic. So I want to change that around, especially in this day and age with people trying to be more sustainable. Anyway, I haven't drawn breath there for about five minutes have like

Tamsin Caine 30:57
I can, I can follow that through and think how how that kind of makes sense. And it will last, the last episode we recorded was about was about starting to date again. The thought that if somebody having gone through this process with you discovered who they are, and kind of grown that confidence and that, that understanding of their personality, that's got to be a heck of a step. Mat take before you start thinking about putting yourself out there.

Janine Coney 31:37
It's incredible, because obviously Emily went through from a personal branding point of view with her business. And she went through this with me. And it was really, really interesting. I know she won't mind me talking about this, but and we when we got into Emily's wardrobe, and we went out shopping, and it was kind of incredible how much she'd discovered about herself at that time it was when I take people shopping, it isn't me going out and going right? This you're going to wear this, this this this. I want in a way people to be able to pick things up and go right I think this is right. Is it right? And we going? Yep, you've got it. Or sometimes we'll have as a they'll pick something that they would have picked before. And they'll go I'm going to try this and I'm going are you sure? And they go yes. And then they try it on? They go? No, you're right. So it's kind of like a learning situation. And it's like pushing those boundaries as well. But Emily walked into an event we were both out in the summer last year. It was a thing two days after we'd been shopping. And it was a moment I won't forget, because she walked in a different person. We're like blowing. And it was one of those head turning moments for the women who were there as well. And they just turn around and they were like Everly and it wasn't wasn't just in what she was wearing. It was her confidence that she had herself. absolute confidence. So she was holding it. She was just like, yeah, it was it was an incredible moment. But yeah, she just been through that whole process. So imagine that in a dating situation as well. If you're going out or you know, or just, you know, building your confidence back up after you've been through a very, very difficult time in your life. And maybe you've maybe not everybody has I know but maybe you felt surprised. Maybe you haven't felt like you for years. Maybe you've been dressing to please somebody else for years.

Tamsin Caine 33:30
Yeah. Yeah. And I'm and I'm sure plenty plenty of people do one thing that's, that's coming up for me, as I'm as I'm chatting to you and I, I I'm kind of thinking of if for myself and the ways that that I dress I at home. I'm like, the like give me the most comfortable, like slobby don't really, really don't care what I look like. I know you said people say they don't care but I really don't like your job is concrete like comfy stretchy jeans, they have like an in like a chalk on the top and that and I'm kind of thinking right I've got that style, non style and then there's kind of the work version where I might be well be a little bit more formal, although not corporate because the people that I'm working with they don't they don't want shiny senior corporate they they're kind of having a hell of a time and they want someone who can hold their hand and then I've got the I'm going out on a night owl I can't wear killer heels because my feet a bit stuffed but like if I could write a killer hills, that'd be killer hills. And like I'm gonna put makeup on which I don't normally wear and I'm going to get a like, little dress or like something glamorous. Those are kind of all sides of an I've not worked with you. And we're going to say yet. So you might be sat there going, Oh my God, but all those in the bed, but, but those different kinds of levels of style that I think probably all of us have at some point like, you look terribly glamorous today. I'm hoping that you don't sit at home looking like that.

Janine Coney 35:30
No yeah, I'm well into my joggers. And I can all of us, especially over lockdown got, let's just say overly comfortable in our joggers and things like that. And that I don't think that's going to change too much. What I have found is that those of us who work from home as well, you know, and I'm sure you'll testify to this too, is there's only a certain amount of time that you feel totally productive when you are working from home. And you are let's call it duvet day in it every day. And you're in your pyjamas, what have you. After a few days of doing that? You kind of like I'm not being the most productive version of myself, I don't feel like the best version. But in saying that we all do that we all have a Sunday, let's call it a slop out day or what have you. But ultimately, when I'm talking about sort of your brand and your style, it's like when we step outside and what we're going to be doing from that point of view. But so yeah, so rest assured, you see me on a Sunday morning. And then different style personalities. So when we work on some new style, personality, even what you've said they're all lead to, in my mind, which I don't, I don't try not to do is because I never know until we've been through the whole asking all the questions. But there's been a lot of things that you've said that you've talked a lot about, you know, I'm not going to wear high heels, and it's going to be comfortable. And it's going to be Yeah, you're already you're laying those statements down. That that is where it's interesting, okay, because then when we start asking the questions, we can start finding those those little parts of you, like you've said, you like the high heeled news that there's a dress, you know, you wouldn't know a lot of women going out will be jeans and a nice top, we always go jeans and a nice top and we on a Friday night out with the girls kind of thing. But you've actually said this address there. So that's given me like a little bit of a clue there that there is something in there more from you that would want to glam up a little bit. I get Yeah. Yeah. So people never fall just into one style personality, they fall into one or two, they have a dark out dominant and a secondary. But ultimately, as well, what it does point out is what you aren't okay. And what a lot of women do is they'll see a trend, and they'll buy into a trend, or they'll see a friend wearing something, and then they'll think I'm going to try that. But it doesn't feel like them. When you actually understand what your true style personality is you stop buying into those trends. And I always say to people don't let the trend choose you, you choose the trend, because we all see trends and fashions change all the time. And, you know, you don't have to buy into a trend, you don't have to just because something's on trend, we don't have to wear it. And I think we're actually much more customed to that. Now I think when you're younger, you feel like you need to buy into a trend. You don't need to. And actually we need to build a wardrobe that has longevity, and a wardrobe that makes us feel amazing in ourselves. And that's ultimately what we want to do. But it has to serve your life and one of the other things we do is look at your lifestyle. So I'll say to people right what do you spend most your time doing? Because how many people do this as well I know loads of women who listened and relate to this you go out and I'm sure this comes from childhood to you buy something to go out in. I'll work that top because it's nice to go out in. I'll buy that sparkly top because that'll be nice to go out him and then you go how often do you go out? Don't go out twice. Okay, so you're buying when you go out? What happens is Here's a big one is we think it's okay to buy ourselves and treat ourselves something for wearing out. But why do we not feel it's okay to buy ourselves something nice to wear to sit indoors at the weekend. Like okay, let's go back to jog you know jogging that you can get some great beautiful elevated joggers and jogging. You know, what we do? What happens is when I go through wardrobes, people will go that's just for wearing indoors, that old things were just wearing indoors. So actually we start to invalidate ourselves with what we wear a weekend because we're saving either stuff for best which never gets worn and let gets left in the wardrobe. I'm worn. We're spending our hard earned money or Matt. Yeah, but we're not spending our hard earned money on actually maybe making ourselves feel really good every day or once something nice to wear just at the weekend because I'm going to be sitting on my Saturday You're watching binge watching Netflix, but I want to actually feel comfortable and just feel good in what I'm wearing rather than just old old stuff all the time.

Tamsin Caine 40:11
This has resonated with me so much. Bye, bye Tescos joggers that is that in my watch dress that I've worn once to financial services, but that's like, what that doesn't make any sense. And what you've just said it's like, doesn't make any sense. But we all do it, don't we? Yeah, well, we probably don't. But

Janine Coney 40:41
yeah, exactly. It's easily it's easily done, it's easily done. And your wardrobe should effectively just contain the clothes that you love to wear. So many women, like you've just said, you know, the fancy dress costume, something they wore to a prom 20 years ago, something, you know, sentimental pieces that somebody loved one who made we don't have around us anymore bought for us. And we keep it because of all those reasons. But actually, think of your wardrobe as your favourite boutique. I don't mean that filling it with new stuff. What I mean is, is when you work an app, it should be filled with clothes that fit you that you love to wear, that you you know, you feel great in, it shouldn't be filled with items that you haven't worn. So you know, for 15 years and

Tamsin Caine 41:26
yes, yes, I got all of this this is this is all making bleep sense. I think that lots of people listening will be resonating with all of this just like I am. Is that do you have any simple tips that people can put into place in their in their own lives as a as a startup at 10? Until they get to a point where they can they can work with you if they're coming out this traumatic experience?

Janine Coney 42:03
I think the first thing is get a pen and paper and sit down and literally write down, just find out who are who are who am I? And how do I want to show up? How do I want to be seen? Yeah, let the pen do the work, you might sit down. And you might be like, What the hell is going to come out? I promise you, the more you write, the more it will come out. And you might even find yourself getting a bit emotional, because that happens quite a lot. Or when we go through this process, spend some time anybody can do this for free, you can build your own mood board, go on Pinterest, open up a board and do it like how I want to be seen. You know. And don't help. Don't be sensible on this. This isn't a point to be sensible. This is the point just to let just see what really resonates. And then you can look in your wardrobe and go does that matching. Yeah, don't be too hard on your lifestyle at this when I say hard because some people might live in uniform all week and then go well, there's no point in doing that. Because I wear a uniform all week. And then I'm at home all weekend. I'm not worried about that. And what about you know, we're just deeply connecting with yourself. So those are few tips, what you need to do, you must make sure it's authentic to you, the amount of people who get influenced because we all have great friends in our lives and family in our lives. I guarantee if you start asking other people, you'll be taking their opinions on board, not your own. So you know, make this about you. Look, think of the colours that you like to wear as well. Colour is that's a whole other subject, we can honestly talk about it in a whole other podcasts. But you know the colours that you wear and how they resonate and whether you want, whether you like colour or not, and the fabrics that you like to wear, think about those kinds of things. When it comes down to your wardrobe though, the quick tips I can give you there is you know, spend a couple of hours in your wardrobe and just start pulling out pieces that you love to wear first of all, and maybe pull out a piece and then try and style it with something different that you haven't worn it with. Because what happens is we all get in a habit of wearing the same item with the same item. Yeah, you see my point you might pick up the same pair of trousers might have the same pair of tops or maybe pick out a pair of trousers and find three tops to go with that pair of trousers and then pick out a jacket that goes with it as well. And don't overlook don't overlook accessories and how accessories, accessories and shoes are the two things that can date and an out date to make an outfit look frumpy, as easy as anything. Costume jewellery doesn't cost a lot of money. But the amount of women who keep like raw falls of plastic taps that we've had for years and go Well I've got loads of jewellery, but just be careful because jewellery is just one of those things that can like make or break an outfit as the same as shoes and a handbag. And another tip is everything doesn't have to be matchy matchy. People you know, be like shoes matched your handbag. Don't worry about that. Now, metals don't have to match, you know, gold and silver together. And also don't live in black. You know, black is a colour. And I think it would certainly when we're talking about divorce, I think it can be a colour that probably people can feel safe, very safe and people hide in black. Let's not go away from the body shape and how people use it from that point of view, but it is a colour that people are aware of their feeling down. Obviously, it's a colour that's associated with mourning. And let's be honest, when you're going through a divorce, it does feel like a mourning. So it's only it will be something that people will will gravitate towards. That just be careful if you're starting to literally hide yourself away in black, you don't want to do that you don't want to fade into the background you want to you know, stand out and be yourself.

Tamsin Caine 45:50
That's a really great place to end this conversation because I've absolutely loved chatting to you. How can our listeners get in touch with you if they want to contact you?

Janine Coney 46:03
Well, I on Instagram, I'd say that's probably the the place that I hang out. And you'll find me at your style UK. And you'll also find me I have my branding site as well which is linked to own your style UK. So own your style UK is my original account, which was all about style and kind of going into like my life and my wardrobe and my clothes. And the brand personal brand side of my business is on the personal branding side of it. And there, I give lots of tips into setting out and discovering and building your own personal brand. So you've seen heard and remembered because so many people so many women feel invisible in their lives. And I don't want them to feel like that. So you can connect with me there. My website is a new style UK. Yeah, my website there. So yeah, those are the ways I'm on LinkedIn is Janine Kony. So you can't get away from me really?

Tamsin Caine 47:01
No, I don't think we want to. We'll put all those links in the show notes so that people can get ahold of you if they'd like to. And it just reminds me to thank you so much for agreeing to talk to me today because it's been such a valuable conversation. And I know that our listeners will love it.

Janine Coney 47:18
More than the close people think oh, do you just do this? It's like no, it's so much deeper. I love what I do. I feel very privileged to work with the women that I do. And thank you for having me today.

Tamsin Caine 47:27
It's my pleasure. Take care. Thank you i and i hope you enjoy the episode of the Smart Divorce podcast. If you would like to get in touch please have a look in the show notes for our details or go onto the website www dot smart Also, if you are listening on Apple podcasts or on Spotify and you wouldn't mind leaving us a lovely five star review. That would be fantastic. I know that lots of our listeners are finding this is incredibly helpful in their journey through separation divorce and dissolving a civil partnership. Also, if you would like some foot further support, we do have Facebook group now. It's called separation divorce and dissolution UK. Please do go on to Facebook search of the group and we'd be delighted to have you join us. The one thing I would say is do please answer their membership questions. Okay, have a great day and take care


Latest insights and articles