You’ve just separated, the kids are upset, money is tight, you feel like you’ve gained an extra full time job, you’re trying to negotiate time with the kids and finances with your ex; When does it start to feel better?
I’m sure this is a question asked by everyone in this position. I asked a former colleague who’d been through it, who comfortingly told me that it would be four years before everything will be sorted out…
“Four years??” I hear you cry. Don’t worry, whilst it might take a long time to resolve everything, I firmly believe that 12 months into separation and things will start to look better, easier, calmer. I don’t, unfortunately, mean that everything will be sorted out but you will be finding life more straightforward.
How do I know? I don’t, I can’t guarantee it. However, I told my friend the same thing when she separated from her husband. Twelve months later, she reminded me of what I had said. At the time, she couldn’t see that in just a year everything would have settled down but it had.
How do you make it happen? I’m a list person so I made a list of the things I needed to do. To assist you, I have written a guide called “Beginning to plan your finances after divorce”, which you can download. If you would like further help, please drop me an email.
If possible, try to keep things amicable with your ex. It’s a good idea to meet for coffee on neutral ground to discuss how you will divide time with the children and how you might separate your finances. If you can’t do this on your own, speaking to a mediator can help. They will sit down with both of you and help you to work through the decisions that need to be made. We can help you to find a suitable mediator locally, please get in touch.
Lastly, try to make some time for yourself. Whether it’s half an hour for a walk, going to the gym, getting your nails done, it is important that you look after you and your mental health. Things will get better. It just takes time.