Divorce and Your Money Mindset

Tamsin talks with Nila Mistry – Nila is a Financial Life Planner and a Certified Money Coach. She works with professional women to live a life with more peace, security, freedom and possibilities through Life & Financial Planning.

She can be found at

07866 493517

Want to talk? Book your FREE discovery call click this link  https://Prosperitylifeplanning.as.me/

Tamsin is a Chartered Financial Planner with over 20 years experience. She works with couples and individuals who are at the end of a relationship and want agree how to divide their assets FAIRLY without a fight.

You can contact Tamsin at tamsin@smartdivorce.co.uk or arrange a free initial meeting using https://calendly.com/tamsin-caine/15min. She is also part of the team running Facebook group Separation, Divorce and Dissolution UK

Tamsin Caine MSc., FPFS
Chartered Financial Planner
Smart Divorce Ltd


(The transcript has been created by an AI, apologies for any mistakes)

Tamsin Caine 0:05
Hello and welcome to the Smart Divorce podcast. I’m Tamsin Caine and I will be your host. In series three, we will be speaking to a number of experts and professionals in the divorce arena, and answering the questions that we get asked most often. If you’ve got a question and you don’t think we’ve answered it yet, please do get in touch, you can email me at Tamsin at smart divorce.co.uk. Now over to our guests. Hi, welcome to smart divorce podcast. I’m delighted to be joined today by Nila Mistry. And my conversation with Nila today is absolutely fascinating neither as a financial coach, we talked about how she felt about not being the money person in her relationship when it ended. And the fear that surrounded that and how she has looked inside herself to reconcile that and, and to understand it further in her work as well. will say talk about many mindsets and starting to think about what impacts the way that you think about money. And I think you’ll find this really useful in your steps into the next chapter of your life. So I hope you enjoy it. And we’ll jump straight in. Hello, I’m delighted to be joined today by Nila Mistry. Nila is a financial life planner and certified money coach, which is very cool. She works mainly with professional women to live a life with more peace, security, freedom and possibilities through her planning. That’s such a beautiful way of putting it Nila. How are you?

Nila Mistry 1:52
I’m good. Thank you for having me on your show, I feel really honoured absolute pleasure.

Tamsin Caine 1:58
I know that our listeners are gonna really enjoy hearing everything you’ve got to say today. I, I want to start off by and I know you’ve talked to me about the feeling of not being the financial person in relationship. And that’s something that comes up for our listeners, loads. It’s it’s a really big thing. And, and I just wondered if you could talk me through that a bit? Because obviously that’s not the case now.

Nila Mistry 2:29
Yeah. And I’m in a completely different relationship now.

Tamsin Caine 2:34
So how how did that feel? How was it? How, how did it come about? I guess this that you were they’re really the non financial person in your relationship?

Nila Mistry 2:45
Yeah, so I was I was quite young. So I don’t need just started my financial services career. And it’s around the time when I started with Barclays life. And, you know, he, he had the better income. And I just started outside zone, quite a low income, I was on a commission basis. So to even buy a property, I didn’t really have enough income to do that. So it just so happened that when we were looking to buy a house that he did it all on his income. He also worked for a bank, but he was more of an analyst programmer. So, you know, you know, it’s pretty nifty with spreadsheets, and he created plans, and he bought a car. So he had like payment plans, he just knew how to do things. So it just naturally meant that he took over. But I also had things that that I was pretty good at. I mean, I was good at accumulating and saving. So then it sort of naturally transpired that I’ll do all the savings, and he’ll do all the planning, you know, but the things that I sort of noticed was he liked to buy things on credit, and then make a plan and then pay it off. Whereas for me, I prefer to have the money and then and then I couldn’t you know, if I had the money, then I’ll buy it. If I didn’t, then I’d wait. So that was the difference. So he sort of managed the bills, I managed the food and the savings and and I didn’t mind that I was quite happy with it, you know, because I was it was familiar because my dad when when I was younger, my my my mum and dad had a similar scenario. My dad worked, he managed all the money. And she managed like the shopping he’d always made sure that he had you know that there was no cash in her purse all the time. So and that’s how it was so yeah, so that’s how it sort of transpired and I’m trying to think that you know why why I didn’t mind that so much and and thinking back I always I also thought that hang on a minute. When I was saving, it made me feel good because part of that was a little bit of validation as well because that meant that I was I was doing well. And it was one of the things that my dad really valued that if you accumulate your savings, you’re doing really well. So the relationship was not the difficult one in the sense that my family didn’t approve. So in a way, that’s why I didn’t mind that part of it.

Tamsin Caine 5:18
Yeah, no, that makes complete sense. And I think that you’re absolutely right. I don’t, I don’t necessarily think it’s, there is a light sit down and make a decision, right, we’ll look at this. And I’ll do this, it, it just, it’s like any team isn’t it, you play to the strengths of the team, and you each have your own jobs. And so when I was married, I looked after that clip, like the cleaning of the inside that the house, and my now ex husband used to look after the garden, and I’m rubbish at gardening. So I was just like, when he went, I was like, Oh my gosh, like, I’m gonna have to sort that out and, and just get a guy to come and do it. Because I’m like, Ah, it’s just not my thing at all. And it’s, it’s the same with money, isn’t it, like you said, you play to, to the strength. So I think I mean, that are controlling relationships around money, where people are at, like, actually taking over all of the money stuff, so that they can control the other person. That doesn’t sound like that was the situation for you

Nila Mistry 6:28
No, I think, financially, it was quite comfortable, you know, because he had enough and I was just starting out. So it allowed me to concentrate on I was doing my financial planning certificate, I had my second or third paper to finish. So I was doing that at the time. And I was, you know, I couldn’t drive. So I was learning how to drive as well.

Tamsin Caine 6:47
So there’s a couple, and by halfs,

Nila Mistry 6:52
I sort of learned very late in life. And that was quite full on for me. So you know, during the exams. So over the years, I just knew that I could save more. And, but it’s not like he didn’t let me look at the bank statements or anything like that. I sort of knew what was going on. And he used to show me, and he’s to sort of educate me, the thing that is to terrify me was computers, I still wasn’t comfortable using, you know, laptops, or PCs. And it was it was those chunky PCs and, and around that time. So, you know, he just, I think I was even petrified of switching on. Because it was all paper based, you know, so I didn’t have to use the computer very much. And so I think that’s, you know, so I just, you know, stayed back from it, I was quite happy. As long as he showed me what’s going on, it was okay. But there were other areas that he took control of, you know, which I sort of reflecting back on things like, you know, he didn’t, he wouldn’t let me drive because he was faster, you know, the me. And he there was things that just take control of anyone let me do stuff. So I don’t know, if I was a little bit sort of, I was quiet, pretty sort of submissive in that sort of sense. But I think I may have been even, you know, mirroring stuff that you know how my mum was. But yeah, like you said, it was it was, it was generally Okay, Sony, when it sort of changed that, you know, I didn’t realise how much of an impact it had, you know, on my life after that.

Tamsin Caine 8:27
Yeah, absolutely. So when, when you split up, what, what was the impact of him having looked after the money side of things in the, in the financial planning side of things, how does that impact you?

Nila Mistry 8:45
Well, I think initially, I was just, I think I just had so much emotion. I was first of all, I felt quite hysterical. You know, I was like, Oh my god, you know, what is going on here? How can this be, you know, with, you know, the backstory is we’ve been through so much, you know, to get to this point where my family was starting to come around to our relationship, you know, for three years, they didn’t speak to me very much. So it was quite a difficult time. So initially, it was like, you know, I was quite hysterical, just overwhelmed. I was angry, I felt betrayed. I felt quite ashamed. You know, there was a lot of guilt there. You know, lots of conversations in my head thinking, you know, hearing my mum saying, I told you so told you, he wasn’t going to be the right person for you, and he’d leave you or he, you know, that he wasn’t, you know, going to stand by you, as you said. So initially, I was playing with all of those emotions. They didn’t really have anything to do with money. So that feeling of betrayal. I trusted him. You know, he was somebody that I put my you know, hold trust into. I talked to him about everything money, our future vision, you know, we were gonna get married. You know, and then all of a sudden, it all came to a halt, you know, what did I do wrong? You know, I’m thinking about, I just felt like I’d failed. There were just so many questions. And then I was like looking at other couples comparing myself to them. So I just didn’t know where to start. And because we’d only been in the house for years, and then we’re still a lot of, there was a lot of debt in the property, there was a lot more mortgage than equity that is about 4k in equity. So there wasn’t much to play with. And, and I wasn’t thinking about the practical stuff, I was just thinking with my heart, and I thought, oh, maybe I could just like, you know, maybe it’s just like a bad dream. And it’s just going to go away. So the first few weeks were quite tough. But I realised that I then came across one of his bank statements. And that’s when I saw that there was money going out of the account into somebody else’s. And it just, that’s when the alarm bells sort of tinkered. And I thought, right, this is not something’s more amiss than I even thought. So what do I do? And I just thought, right, okay, I’ve just got to think practically What, what, what, what do I do, you know, I’ve got to think with my head, I can’t, I can’t let this thing go. And I felt really lucky. Because when I was at the bank, I made some really good friends. And there was one couple in particular, and, and they, they really held my hand through it all. And you know, where I was really emotional, they sort of kept me grounded. So, you know, I remember my friend Jane saying, right, okay, where’s your passport, where’s all your bank statements, get everything together, and let’s see where we’re at. So, I think that was really important to have somebody to, for me to be able to reach out for help. Because I wasn’t thinking straight, just to keep me grounded. I mean, I was only, you know, been a financial advisor for four or five years. So it wasn’t long enough for me, I was still training as well at the same time. And so what I did was I thought, right, What don’t I want, I didn’t want to go back home. I didn’t want my parents to say I told you so. That and that feeling that I just know, failed that, you know, I was feeling really guilty. So it was just easier to focus on, on what I didn’t want. So I thought, right, what do I want, I want to stay in the house. So that’s what I had decided, I thought the only way I’m going to stay in London is to stay in this house. And I felt that that was just the least disruptive sort of measure. So I made a list. And I wrote down all the my expenses. And I, you know, worked out whether I could keep the house and pay the mortgage at the same time. Because nothing was going to change with the mortgage, the amounts would have stayed the same. And, and then I spoke to my friend again. And we sort of worked out what was possible. And my one goal was just to get the house, that’s all it was, I didn’t care about anything else. I just wanted a roof over my head, it was just my security and safety. That was the thing that, you know, that was really important. So that’s where I went. So my lesson from that was probably that, you know, your emotions are all over the place. But it’s okay to have somebody you know, that you trust, that can keep you grounded and help you see the wood for the trees. So, yeah, so that’s what they

Tamsin Caine 13:26
know. I think that’s totally right. Do you think the fact that you have been the one who looks after the money made this look more difficult?

Nila Mistry 13:37
Yeah, in a way I, you know, thinking back I only having done some of the money coaching work on myself. And that’s one of the reasons I did that, because I wanted to work on my, my own money beliefs. I got into the habit of that innocence, burying my head in the sand. So it got to the point where I don’t really want to deal with computers, I don’t want to have a look, you know, look at the spreadsheets, I don’t need, he does it all. We’re going to be married, we’re gonna have a future. So there was lots of assumptions that I made along the road, that he was always going to be there. I couldn’t imagine, you know, my life, you know, at that time without him. So I think I got into this, you know, a habit of thinking, well, I don’t need to he does all that. And I can just, you know, focus on the fun stuff, saving for a holiday saving for the wedding and planning and all of that and you know, and pursuing my career. So, from that point of view, I would say that it felt very emotional, and I didn’t know where to start. I think that’s, that’s where it affected the most.

Tamsin Caine 14:44
Yeah, now I think that’s absolutely right. And I think that that is what a lot of people go through. It’s that additional fear that go you know, not only have you got this black to deal with not only have you got all the other Emotions around around the fact that that person is not to be there anymore. But on top of that, then you’ve got that, I’m going to have to look after part of my life that I haven’t touched. So far, I’ve kind of like, stayed away from it. And so yeah, that’s, that’s really interesting. So since she became a financial coach, and obviously, things have changed quite a lot. So one of the things that I wanted to talk to you about was, was around money mindsets, because I think when you’re starting out, kind of on your own, and moving into the next chapter of your life and starting to plan thought you want I think one of the things that can really hold you back if, if you’re not careful, is your, your attitude to money and your mindset around money. So, you know, far more about this than me. So can you explain what that money mindset is, what they’re, what they are, and how they impact on people’s ability to manage their finances?

Nila Mistry 16:11
Yeah, so our money mindset is, in simple terms, it’s just our experiences, and what we learn from those experiences, and then we make it mean something. And that’s as simple as I can, you know, get it. And, you know, if something. So, you know, giving you the example of my dad, you know, so I enjoyed the savings, I enjoyed accumulating money. You know, my dad was quite strict, I was brought up in quite a strict cultural sort of environment. And in those days, you know, the boys were sort of groomed to be, you know, providers and girls were, you know, you know, trained and to be sort of domestic, and I had to learn how to cook and clean from the age of probably about 11 or 12. And, and, you know, they weren’t too concerned about me going to university and getting a degree, it was more about, you know, when can we get an arranged marriage sorted out for her, and that she will be settled, and then she’ll be able to look after her extended family. So when I, you know, when I did, you know, you know, go out of the box and decided to meet somebody that was not within our culture. And you know, that that was really tough for my dad, and I betrayed him. So, part of that I was, since then, I’ve always realised that I was looking for that validation, I wanted to feel good enough, because I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel deserving. So when I did accumulate those savings, you know, the impact of that, was that Okay, so if I’m saving money, then I’m being good. I am deserving. So. So part of that was to make my dad happy that I would earn his love. And Crikey. Yeah. So it was it was, it was quite difficult. That’s one. So when we have those experiences, it, it gives, it leads us to behaving in a certain way. And for me, that behaviour was if I keep saving and not spending on unnecessary items, then that means that my dad loves me. So that’s a belief that I held on to for so long. And yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So and I know that that wasn’t true. Yeah. Because, I mean, it’s only recently that, you know, I had a huge clearing conversation with my dad, you know, because I didn’t realise how long I’ve been holding on to that, you know, and for years and years, I felt that, you know, in my heart, I know that, you know, he loves me, but I made it mean that he didn’t, that he always, you know, loved my brothers more than he loved me. But I know that wasn’t true. And there was one sentence that he said that, that you’re all the same, you’re all the same to me. So I think the first question, it’s to think about is just get curious. You know, it’s, it’s natural to feel defensive when people, you know, talk to you about various things. But that’s because those thoughts have been ingrained in us. We’ve learned those beliefs for so long that we’ve observed, you know, everything we do we observe it from the people around us. And so it’s just about getting curious. Well, when something happens when an event happens, what emotions are coming up, and naturally, they’ll be like the survival responses, like fear or anger or shame or feeling really annoyed or frustrated, those just when those feelings and emotions come up. That’s when you start. You think Ah, I’m having Some kind of emotional feeling that this is going to make me go and do something. So what is that action? You know, was it going to make me do And for me, it was always food. My parents used to work here. They used to work for Jacob speaker eight years ago, and serial partners, sort of the Nestle kind of places. So yeah, we always had biscuits in the house. And my dad used to store the room, my bedroom. Sobiscuit eater, so that was my go to anything like biscuits or pastries or sweet stuff. If I felt something I immediately wanted to reach for food. And then I think, well, what happens after that, because all of that that behaviour leads to something you eat it, and then after you’ve eaten it you for sugar, I shouldn’t have had that I should have. Now I feel bloated. Now I feel like this now i’d look ugly, or now I don’t look great. And then when you’re in that mode, you sort of think, Okay, so what do you end up doing as a result? So then it’s that, you know, you might hide? Or how does that show up in your life, you know, so then it sort of has an impact in in a in an indirect sense, it might be that you that you stay not visible, you know, you’re not, you’re not out there in your business doing what you need to do. Or you might just retreat and just keep yourself in your shell. And because it keeps you safe. And that safety means that you’re okay, because our you know, we want to avoid that pain. And we always seek the pleasure. So if it keeps us safe, there’s a familiarity, but staying in that old pattern, we’ve just got to look at what is that serving us? How is that serving me? And then it’s like saying, Well, okay, if I could press the magic button, what do I want it to feel like? How do I want to feel? Well, I don’t want to feel anger, I don’t want to feel frustrated. I don’t want to feel guilty. So what do I want to feel instead, I want to feel happy, I want to feel fulfilled. So that’s sort of how you sort of move through it. But initially, I think it’s just about getting curious about and getting to know yourself, you know, the more we know ourselves, and what we like, what we don’t like, how people make us feel. I feel it’s really important. And to do that we all need a bit of space.

Tamsin Caine 22:27
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Crikey, it sounds like you’ve, you’ve really taken some time to, to explore all of this. And if you’re in a place where some days less than two and going, Wow, I wish I was anywhere close to know myself as early as you do. Because I’m sitting here thinking like this, the getting curious bit where? Where do you? Where do you go from there? Is it about journaling? Is it about just having it in your head? other practical things that people can do?

Nila Mistry 23:09
Yeah, so um, I think a lot of my stuff came out when I was coaching. So when I was doing my mini coaching certificate about two years ago, that’s when all of that came out. So what I learned from that experience was to talk to somebody to speak to a coach or somebody that understands and can help you move you through that feeling of overwhelm or fear or frustration. If you are noticing those habits, the things you can do yourself is to write down what am i noticing about myself? What keeps happening again and again. And it’s like, you know, when you’re stood, you know, you’re stood somewhere and you want to get ahead, but you can’t you just feel stuck, you’re on, you want to get to the other side of the river, but something’s holding you back. When you recognise those feelings, that’s when you know, you need some kind of help. And one of them, as I said, is talk to somebody or a coach. And secondly, yeah, absolutely journaling or writing down. I find that when when I want to talk to somebody, and let’s just say my best friend is not around or better, it’s not around. And I get this, I get this sense though thinking, oh my god, I’m gonna go out of my mind, I need to do something. And that’s when I do get my journal out. My journal becomes my friend. And I literally just write whatever’s in my mind, I’ll just say, oh, today IV, you know, I’ve got a really sore shoulder or my necks feeling really tight. And just try not to leave any gaps. And if there are any gaps, you literally just fill it with what’s physically in your mind at the time. So what that does, it helps you unravel. It unravels. And before you know it, you might even think, ah, okay, I could do that. Because intuitively we know our gut feeling is so powerful, that we actually know what we need. We just haven’t been given the space. To think about it, we’re constantly on the go, we’re always doing, you know, we never stop, you know, there’s always something to do we find things to do. And when we do stop, it feels uncomfortable. So you can, the other thing is you just engage in some creativity, you know, whether it’s sitting drawing, or just getting some pastels out, or, you know, whether it’s ironing, you know, it doesn’t have to be complicated, it can be something really simple. I like to clean sometimes I like to clean carpets out. And it’s something I saw my mom do years ago, you know, and she still does it, you know, I know that when I have her come and stay with me, my, my, my spice cabinet is going to be spotless.So I always look forward to that. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been able to come down for a while,you know, old ones that have been in there since 1984. I did find one recently, when I realised one of my lentils wouldn’t cook properly. That’s gone.Yeah, so there’s a number of things you could you could just engage in something other than thinking about it, it’s just about coming out of your head. And for it to sort of, you know, transpire or come out somewhere, whether it’s writing or whether it’s drawing, or whether it’s just going for a walk with yourself, just be with yourself without any kind of distractions. And that’s really special, you know, when you when you honour that for yourself, it’s a beautiful thing to do. It’s also a way of you showing that you care about you. So I would probably say they’re the sort of first things to think about. And then just think, Well, okay, well, you know, who can I talk to, you know, if you feel that this is coming up again, and again and again, and you want to move forward, build that new life for yourself after something so difficult and traumatic, then, who can you speak to, and, you know, there’s lots of people like you and I, and, you know, there’s lots of people in our industry now who are headed towards the coaching space. So, you know, there’s more, there’s, there’s a lot more support out there, you know, when I was going through my split, I, I relied on friends and family, I can really speak to my family at the time. So that was a little bit, you know, a sad time for me, but yeah, so just to find somebody to talk to, and they will sort of move you through that space, as well.

Tamsin Caine 27:26
I think that’s really important because starting off on the right fitting, when you’re, when you’ve come through something like it for separation, or, or spending of a civil partnership that you need to be you need to do the preparation work, it’s like redecorating a room, you know, you’ve got to the prep probably takes longer than they’re putting the paint on the walls, but that’s the most important bit because that’s the bit that will end up setting you right and giving you the best chance of a good finish and I think is the same money isn’t is that it’s about doing that, doing the work and putting the time in and, and, you know, working, perhaps they say, you know, work with if this is if this is set in stone, some of these mind and they go, Oh, do you know what this where I am i can i don’t have a clue about myself, I don’t understand how I react in certain situations to many other things, working with a coach at that point is, is a really valuable thing today. And tell us a bit. Because there are so many coaches out there at the moment, like who coach in all sorts of aspects of your life. And, you know, you could end up with a coach in pretty much every. So just tell us a little bit about how and how a financial cake and how working with financial patch can help and what what it kind of looks like and feels like. Yeah, so

Nila Mistry 29:10
with any kind of coaching, I think that it’s important to just find somebody that’s going to listen to you. So that you feel heard. And, and when I when I talk to my clients is, you know, the first session is always about, well, you know, Why are they here? And you know, what, what’s going on for them, you know what’s happening right now in their lives, because that’s the most important thing for them. And, and it’s just given them that space to talk and it can be about anything, not talking about money. We’re not talking about anything. It could even be their relationship. It could be just how they’re feeling today, and what’s coming up for them. And I sort of, I like to call it that colour like it’s clearing the decks because once you’ve cleared the decks, it gives you even more space to think Clearly, so. And that could take half an hour, it could take an hour, it could take up to two hours. So that first session is really important. And it allows me to explore, get to know them, they get to know me, and it just feels comfortable. And then they can decide whether they’re going to, you know, they want to move ahead and carry on with that there’s never any obligation, you know, they can, they can stop that conversation at any time that they feel uncomfortable. So yeah, just giving them that space to talk is, is the first part. And then if you want to work further, then it’s about sort of saying, Okay, now we’ve cleared the decks, let’s have a look at what’s possible. So as a life plan, I follow the kingda methodology. So it’s all about exploration, finding out what’s important to you in your life, what lights you want, what fulfils you, what makes you happy, all of the things that you want to do so, and also when their mind is clear, the creative element comes into play, and then they start visualising lots of things. And there’s some clients who find it difficult to visualise. So I tend to tap into their feelings. So it could be that, how does this make you feel? When you do that? What does it you know, and some people describe it, they’re very verbal, in terms of how they want to describe it. So recognising how people are everybody’s different. So just noticing how they like to be responded to, is quite important. And then there will be other sort of little obstacles, little niggly bits that come in the way. So it’s about sort of saying, Okay, so, you know, you really want that life, you know, if you really want to be there, what’s stopping you from getting there right now. So what are the things that are getting in the way, and then it opens up that whole arena of they can just bash out everything that they want to. And then we work through them, it’s, it’s helping them move from that place to where they want to be so and then when we do that, then it’s about sort of saying, Okay, so what’s the plan, what’s the what are the small steps that we’re going to take to get you there. So, you know, so they will be creating a vision around what they really want. And that vision will be based on what connects to them, you know, what they really care about what their values are.

And from that, then all the goals are born. So our goals are just strategies, they’re just, you know, little strategies that help us get to that end result, which is a feeling. So that’s how I think that’s sort of the framework of what it would feel like to work with a coach. And then the action plan is, you know, you create a life plan, that’s the way I work, I always feel that it’s always your life plan before any kind of portfolio or investments. Because it’s, it’s that plan that once you have that plan, it’s what prescribes what how your money will support you going forward. And then it’s a bit of hand holding, you have somebody that you trust that can guide you, and stay with you, you know, on track. And also when things come up again, because they’re not gonna just go away our, you know, our life in a straight line, as you and I both know, things happen, things change, you meet somebody, you go, and that relationship might break up or, you know, and then you eventually do meet someone, and then that trust element is really difficult. But then when you’re working with someone, then you can say, oh, gosh, you know, this is what’s come up for me, I have clients that I work with on a quarterly basis, but we always check in on a monthly basis. And we have a chat and a conversation. And, you know, one of my clients came and said, Neela, if you don’t walk back to chocolate and drinking again, what’s going on? What’s going on with you? So it’s just a conversation, and then within five or 10 minutes, you know, you’ve you’ve, you’ve just sort of guided them and reminded them that hang on a minute, this was your role way of being this was your pattern, you know, this is what used to happen. So just take a moment and think what’s what’s happening here for you. And what do you need? What do you want to happen instead? If that’s not how you want to feel them? Where do you want to be? So that’s generally the framework when you know, you, you work with a coach, but it’s also them helping you recognise what your what your way of being was. And then once you get to know yourself, then you’ll be able to manage that a lot quicker. You know, if something happens, so yeah, hope that makes sense.

Tamsin Caine 34:30
Yeah, just it sounds. It sounds very gentle process. Yeah. Well, yeah. Which I really like is the think that sometimes coaching feels a bit raw. And I love the way that you talk about it. It’s it kind of feels quite quite internalised but but in a in a good way. I think sometimes you cut a lot. Look inside. Yeah. And when relationships ended, it’s quite easy to, to take on blame and guilt. And like you talked about at the beginning, about the relationship coming to an end. And you could have worked hard, but actually, but the blame for the end is quite often transferred transfer to the other person and kind of thinking about well, what did I do? Yeah, that, that I would like to be to do differently in the future. And that’s not to say blame yourself, because acting that’s particularly usefully there. But, but just to kind of try and think about how you would like to be in the future is, is really helpful, really useful. We’re coming to the end of our chat. And I just wondered if there was anything else you wanted to add? Before we finish up?

Nila Mistry 35:54
What would I want to add? Yeah, just, I would probably just add that you don’t have to do it by yourself. You know, just do talk to somebody if you don’t know where to start. Just reach out to somebody, even if it’s yourself. That’s a great start, you know, you’re on this podcast, you provide this amazing service. So yeah, definitely reach out and talk to somebody First, if you don’t talk then. And it’s okay. You know, I, it took me a while to speak about this situation and relationship. And we don’t have to feel bad about ourselves. Because these are just life experiences. And life happens to all of us. So just be kind to yourself, and know that you deserve a better life. And know, it’s one of my things that I you know, one of my big missions is that I just want to help. As many people feel happy and fulfilled, we only have one life, and we all deserve to experience and live that fulfilled life before we leave this earth. So be one of those be one that wants to be fulfilled and is deserving.

Tamsin Caine 36:58
I love that what an amazing way to finish. Thank you so much for joining me today. And just to just set we’re gonna finish off but just to, how can people get in touch with you if they want to contact you?

Nila Mistry 37:15
Okay, so I’m on all the social media channels, so Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn. And you’ll find me by prosperity, life planning on Instagram. I’m at the financial freedom expert. And my website is www dot prosperity life. planning.co.uk. Not quite finished yet. But there’s still a little bit of work in progress to add stuff. So but yes, and obviously through you, people No, contact me through you.

Tamsin Caine 37:47
So we’ll put all of those contact details in the show notes. And thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for having me. I’ve absolutely enjoyed it. Thank you so much. I hope you enjoyed today’s podcast. If you did, please do think about writing us a review or giving us a lovely five star rating on iTunes, if that’s where you’re listening. hope you’ll join us again next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai