There are various times since I separated that I have experienced the loneliness of divorce. It hasn’t always happened when I’ve been on my own. I have sometimes had a house full of the buzz of rowdy teenagers but it’s still there. I think that other people in my position must be feeling the same. If you are, you are not alone. It is part of the grieving process that can occur whether the separation has been forced upon you or if it was your decision.
When can it hit you?
It tends to hit me in the evenings, when I’m not busy, although it can hit me in a room full of people. It can be when you’re surrounded by couples or when you drive past people in the street holding hands. It often happens when the kids are refusing to do as you ask. It comes from deep inside; the feeling that you are completely alone. You feel that everything is on your shoulders. It’s like a mental pain. Oddly, certainly in my case, it is not resolved by being with others. I have some ideas to try to help.
Tips for getting through the loneliness
- Realise that you are not alone in how you are feeling and it’s not surprising
- Try to take yourself out of where you are feeling that
- Go for a walk or a run
- Try meditation – there are lots of apps available for this
- Arrange to do something that makes you happy
Seeking professional help
If the feelings continue for a sustained length of time, or become worse, please seek professional help, whether it is from a divorce coach, counsellor, your GP or calling the Samaritans. Going through divorce or separation is a highly stressful and difficult time for everyone. It is likely that you will need support to get through it and make the best decisions. Finding the support that works for you is vital, which might come in the form of a professional but might be a friend.
If you found this article useful, you may also find “Weekends away from the children” useful.
Tamsin Caine works with divorcing couples and individuals to help them to sort out their finances fairly and amicably. She helps them to work out what they want from their future lives and the steps they need to take to get it. She is a Chartered Financial Planner and founder of Smart Divorce. She can help at any stage of the divorce process. If you would like to arrange a free initial meeting, or just have a question, please get in touch either by phoning 07975 922766 or emailing firstname.lastname@example.org.