If you’re feeling overwhelmed by money issues and the financial decisions that you need to make during divorce, you probably have work to do on your money mindset. Don’t worry, you are not alone in how you are feeling. You are also not alone in needing to work on yourself in this way. I have spent a lot of time since my divorce working on my own money mindset, and there is still plenty more to do! You may have listened to Nila Mistry in our latest YouTube video speak about her money mindset and how it has impacted her in the past. Even Denise Duffield-Thomas, bestselling author of “Get Rich, Lucky Bitch” in her latest blog, says, “it felt like it was never going to be my turn” as she knew that there was work to do on herself.
Your Money Story
Let’s start at the beginning. When you were a child and first came into contact with money, what stories were you told? You might have
- been quietly handed a pound coin by your grandad and told not to tell grandma
- received birthday money and been told not to spend it all at once
- have heard that money doesn’t grow on trees or something about the magic money tree
- been discouraged from talking about what things cost
- been told not to discuss what people earn
There are many more stories that I have heard over the years. Think about the stories you have been told, from as far back as you can go, working forward gradually to the present day. Then take each story in turn and think about how the story serves you, whether it is putting limitations on you to stop you achieving the most out of your life or making you self-sabotage when money does come into your world.
Scarcity to Abundance
Living month to month, being afraid to spend money, never seeming to have enough no matter what you do are all signs of a scarcity mindset. Living with this may well mean that you accept a lower financial settlement than you should, but don’t worry, with a little work, you can change your money mindset to one of abundance. As I’m sure you can imagine, an abundance mindset is the opposite of a scarcity mindset, where you will always have more than enough to meet your goals.
Start with a Plan
Knowing where your money needs to go and what your financial goals are is the first step towards abundance. Begin with a monthly spending plan, not forgetting to leave yourself some fun money for yourself. You can then begin to plan for the longer-term and your future financial goals.
The 60 Minute Delay
I first came across this idea in Jason Butler’s book, Money Moments. Many of us spend emotionally, whether we’re happy or sad. One way to avoid this kind of emotional spending is to put the item back and leave it for an hour or so. This will give your brain time to process whether the item fits with our values and is a worthwhile use of the cost. You can do the same thing when you’re online.
You may have seen this word recently. It’s what happens when we look around us at other people and compare our lives with those of others. It is especially easy to do and also dangerous on social media. Those perfect lives that everyone has on Facebook or Instagram. Remember, they are only ever showing you what they want you to see. This can also stop you feeling gratitude for what you have.
One way to help move your mind from this is to begin a gratitude journal. Each evening before you go to sleep, write down three things you are grateful for. Apart from anything else, it finishes the day on a calm, contented note, which will also aid your sleep. However, bad things are you should always be able to find three things to be grateful for, even if they are as simple as the air you breathe, the food you eat and the clothes you wear.
Work on Your Money Blocks
Money blocks are the things that we tell ourselves about money that stop us from achieving or help us to self-sabotage. They shape the way with think about money and can have a disastrous impact on our financial situation, because what we think effects the actions we take and therefore, the results we get.
We need to identify these money blocks and change the negatives into positives. There are a number of ways of doing this, but you might want to work with a therapist, financial coach or even use something like EFT (tapping). Whichever route you choose, having an abundance mindset will be a great place for you to be as you negotiate your financial settlement with your ex.
Your starting point to supercharge your money mindset should be your financial plan. We can help you to create and develop this. To book an initial call to discuss where you are and what you need, please click the link https://calendly.com/tamsin-caine/15min. If you enjoyed this blog, you may also enjoy “What positives as a result of divorce?”.