Christmas With Children When You’re Divorced or Divorcing

Christmas is meant to be a season of sparkle, excitement and time together – but when you’re divorced or going through a divorce, it can also bring a wave of emotions. You’re juggling children’s expectations, new arrangements, old memories, and often a sense of things being different from how you imagined. If this is you, take a breath. You’re not alone, and Christmas can still be magical – just in a new way.  

1. Christmas Isn’t a Day – It’s a Season  
   Many separating parents worry that if they don’t have the children on “the day”, they’re somehow missing out. But Christmas is more than 24 hours. Don’t get me wrong, I have always found this difficult. Try to think of it as a stretch of time filled with opportunities to create cosy moments – decorating the tree, watching Christmas films, baking biscuits, going for frosty walks. Your children won’t measure Christmas by the date on the calendar. They’ll remember the feelings.  
2. Talk Openly and Age-Appropriately  
   Children thrive when they know what’s happening. A simple, calm explanation about Christmas plans helps them feel secure. You might say: “This year will be a bit different, but you’ll get two Christmases and lots of special time with both of us.” Reassure them: they are loved, they are not responsible for the separation, and both parents want them to enjoy Christmas. Clarity reduces anxiety for everyone – including you.  
3. Keep Conflict Away From the Christmas Tree  
   Even the best co-parents can find the run-up to Christmas stressful. Stick to one golden rule: protect the children’s experience. That means no arguments at handover, no comparing gifts, no negative comments about the other parent, and no “competition Christmas.” Children want peace, not pressure.  
4. Create New Traditions (And Keep Old Ones That Still Work)  
   This is an emotional time, especially the first Christmas after separation. It’s normal to grieve the old family Christmas… and it’s also OK to build new rituals. Try a Christmas Eve hot chocolate picnic, a family board game night, visiting Christmas lights, or buying a new ornament each year to mark your journey. New traditions help your children feel that life is still stable, joyful, and full of warmth.  
5. Don’t Stretch Yourself Too Thin  
   You don’t have to make Christmas perfect or better than the other parent’s. What children really need is connection, presence, calm, affection, and reliability. A simple Christmas can be the most relaxed and memorable.  
6. Focus on Self-Care, Too  
   Christmas as a single parent or divorcing parent can feel lonely. Be kind to yourself. Plan things that lift you: a walk with a friend, a relaxing bath, saying yes to invitations, or no when you need rest. If you don’t have the children at certain times, you’re not “missing out” – you’re recharging.  
7. Ask for Help If You Need It  
   If Christmas brings financial pressure, emotional overwhelm, or conflict, reach out. Family, friends, mediators, counsellors, and financial planners can help you navigate the season with more confidence.  

Christmas with separated parents.  

One of our team has divorced parents so we asked for her perspective:  

Christmas with separated parents can seem overwhelming and scary as a child. Lots of questions and scenarios might run through your mind. Where should you sleep, where should you eat, which parent’s house should you be at. These questions are not for your child to worry about nor you. Create a routine to help your child feel safe and comfortable. New traditions are always fun to create, as well as keeping old ones, where you can. Christmas is about feeling loved, warmth and safe. Even with separated parents you can still feel all of this. Your children pick up everything from such a young age, so it’s so important that you keep things calm for your children. No arguments, no comparing, no bad things about each other as your child deserves to see and feel love as much as they can.  

It can be daunting leading up to Christmas with separated parents, particularly the first year. As a child there is so many unanswered questions that you have. Reassurance is important, your children need to feel reassured. Christmas isn't about who got the best present. It’s about being with the people you love and treasuring memories that can last forever, make those memories happy and loving for your children. They need you just as much as you need them.  

Utilising your time is important. you have the whole month to create these memories and enjoy Christmas traditions together. Create those memories, enjoy those crafts, spend time with family, create traditions. These parts of Christmas will help reassure your children and ensure that they feel safe and secure with their new family unit.  

You Can Still Have a Beautiful Christmas  
It may look different. It may feel tender. But it can still be filled with warmth, laughter and connection. Children remember safety, love, time together, and a sense of home – and you can give them all of that, even in a season of change.  

If you’re navigating Christmas during or after divorce and want support with the financial or practical side of things, Smart Divorce are here to help. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.