Guest Blog by Suzanne Roynon, specialist in Interiors Therapy
You might be wondering what an Interiors Therapist has to say for someone working through the financial implications of divorce or separation. Before you flick to the next article, take a breath, and read this one. It might just save you a lot of aggravation and money in the short term and help you to move on more quickly and healthily to a happier, less stressed future.
I’m Suzanne Roynon, Interiors Therapy Expert, Feng Shui Consultant, Best-selling Author and Divorcee.
I’ve been where you are. A Divorce in my 20s and the end of a long-term ‘expected to grow old together’ relationship at 50. You don’t need the details – sob stories aren’t my thing, and in any case you’re probably surrounded by them right now.
So rather than drag you down, I’m here to lift you up by giving you a different perspective on the property and possessions you might currently be frantic to cling onto in the process of going your separate ways.
No one goes into a marriage believing it’s going to end in divorce. Couples come together, choose a home and possessions they love and create memories, habits, traditions and a family – whether it’s just the two of them or kids too.
At the end of a relationship, that same home and possessions become a bargaining tool, a way to exert control or pressure on one spouse or the other. How many times do you hear “I’m fighting to keep the house” or “I’m taking him/her for everything”?
Can I let you into a secret? The divorced women I work with (It’s mostly women) are often years down the line from their divorce. 95% kept the house and the bulk of the possessions. The other 5% sold the house but moved with the possessions to their new place.
They call me in because they feel stuck, trapped, and live in overwhelm. Their ex has moved on, he’s loving life with a great new place, thriving in his career or comfortably retired, having great holidays and there might be a new girlfriend on the scene, but even long after the divorce… 2 years, 10 years, 15 years!… those women still feel life is dictated by him. And that stinks!
My lovely clients range from feeling anxious, hopeless or ‘a bit lost’ to full-on resentment and simmering anger – it’s not healthy for them or the kids and it shows in the family dynamics.
Mostly they feel beaten. Whether they instigated the divorce or not, it wasn’t ever meant to end up this way.
What happens when someone finds their way to Interiors Therapy?
Like most things there’s a process. I’d love to say it’s a finger snap and done. I’ve known highly motivated women throw themselves in and clear their space and their head over a weekend. Others take a little longer to come to terms with the myriad ways they have been accidentally sabotaging themselves… then the penny spectacularly drops and light comes back into their lives.
In case you’re wondering, I’m not asking you to sell up and ditch everything but the clothes – although that’s a ‘travelling light’ ploy which works with many of the most successfully divorced men!
No, we’re going to work positively with the home you live in right now, and this is how…
It starts with getting clarity about the possessions you have and any which link back, however subtly to the ex. This can be photos, mementoes, décor items, furniture – especially the marital bed (that’s a whole icky other story!) Essentially anything the ex can be visualized using will have a subconscious trigger which is impacting you every day. No wonder you’re fed up.
Next, identify the clutter. This is quantified as any stuff kept in a home which is not needed, used or loved. There is a full chapter about this in my book ‘Welcome Home, How Stuff Makes or Breaks your Relationship’ and essentially, you’ll go a whole lot deeper than you’ve ever seen on ‘Sort your Life out’ or Marie Kondo. It’s a major reality check.
Then it’s time to Clear. Quickly, efficiently and in an environmentally respectful manner, release the emotional and physical weight which has been pinning you down, potentially for years. It’s not going to the attic or the garage … and no, your kids won’t want it!
The step I love the most is Consolidate. This is where we energetically reinforce the brighter, happier space in a home. My favourite tool is Feng Shui which squishes the negative energy present in every home and boosts the good vibes to bring in new levels of success, love, wellbeing, happiness and so much more. The easy ‘off the peg’ Western form of Feng Shui is described in ‘Welcome Home’. With clients however we can focus Feng Shui still further by using the bespoke compass form which tunes into the unique energy of an individual home to identify the house type and implement specific remedies to support the occupants. Did you even know your house has a type? It’s very powerful knowing why some homes experience one divorce after another.
- Good for money and people
- Good for money/bad for people (lots of divorces here)
- Bad for money/good for people
- Bad for money and people (lots of divorces here too, along with horrid money struggles)
Finally, we Create. With all the dross and pain connecting you to the past removed, this is where the benefits from coaching, mentoring, manifesting and, if you like a bit of ‘woo’, the Law of Attraction, go into overdrive. You’ve left the chaos behind, and now have a clear run towards the future you choose for yourself.
When you’re ready (and there’s no rush) the Manifesto for Love™ is a simple way to define the values and qualities you seek in a new partner, because, let’s face it, no one wants to recreate the same old scene with someone new.
So if you’re stagnating, wondering “Is that all there is?” take a look around your home and ask yourself what’s chaining you to your ex and your marriage?
It could be the smallest, most insignificant things or a whole house-full of memories which allow him to live rent-free in your brain until you choose otherwise.
Interiors Therapy doesn’t have to be overwhelming, and you certainly don’t need to do this alone although you can certainly accomplish great things with guidance from and ‘Welcome Home’ to give you a great start.
Having external, emotionally detached help from a specialist Interiors Therapist will get you results faster than you can ever achieve by working solo or with well-meaning friends (who all have their own issues!) so it all depends on how much time you want to elapse before you move on.
If you’re at the beginning of the divorce process, you can save yourself a whole lot of future pain by starting afresh now. Many women are short-changed in divorce because of their intense desire to keep the marital home which means the energy of their ex remains in residence when he/she is long gone. Remember you have options. Always seek expert Financial and Legal advice and I strongly recommend working with Financial Planners and Divorce Coaches to achieve the best outcome for you.
If you’d like a 30 minute Interiors Therapy Consultation for you and your home: https://calendly.com/interiorstherapy/inspiration
Find out more about Interiors Therapy and Feng Shui at www.interiorstherapy.com
Suzanne Roynon is a Leading International Interiors Therapist and member of the International Feng Shui Guild. She will help you look differently at the things you keep around you to understand how they may be harming your relationship, health, wealth, success, satisfaction and home life. She shares hints and tips to create a home and office space you love and which propels you forward rather than keeping you tied to the past.
In addition to her Interiors Therapy and Feng Shui consultancy and teaching, Suzanne is a professional speaker and the author of Award-winning Bestseller ‘Welcome Home, How Stuff Makes or Breaks your Relationship’. She is a BBC expert and works with Metro, Sunday Times Style, Natural Health, Real Homes Magazine, Homes and Gardens, NZME and many other national and international media and online organizations to share the advantages of living an Interiors Therapy lifestyle.