I was sitting down to have lunch yesterday and switched on Loose Women, only to find that they were debating Divorce Gift Lists. If you haven’t come across this idea before, it is a bit like a wedding list but for those getting divorced and hosting a celebratory party.
I am quite sure that there are those who celebrate the end of the proceedings. I imagine this is most likely when it has dragged on for a long time, maybe requiring court intervention. However, when my marriage ended, I didn’t feel that a party would have been appropriate. Although I know that it was the right thing for us to end the marriage, I felt a sadness at closing this chapter of my life. From speaking to others in my position, they felt similarly. I’m not suggesting that celebrating is wrong, but it isn’t unusual not to feel that this is a moment to crack open the fizz.
So, where do divorce lists fit in? My initial reaction was that to ask for gifts to celebrate your divorce would not be appropriate. However, one of the panel of Loose Women spoke of her situation when she had to leave her home and marriage due to domestic violence. I’m sure that she didn’t send a list to her friends but for those who have left their home, a helping hand would be very welcome. This made me think about how we divide our “stuff” when we separate.
Dividing the things that you own in a marriage can be really difficult. If you are the one that stays in the house, remember that the other person is starting from scratch. Aiming for an amicable split can start with making sure that you both have your fair share. If you want to keep certain items in the house, try to come to an arrangement so that neither of you feels they are losing out. It is easy to forget that you both need things like plates, cups, cutlery, pans; essentials.
Whether you party or not, trying to remain amicable through your divorce will help you to move forward afterwards.
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Tamsin Caine is a Chartered Financial Planner at Smart Divorce. She specialises in working with separating or divorcing clients to help them to understand how to divide their finances to move forward with their lives. If you would like to speak to Tamsin or find out more about how she can help, email her at Tamsin@smartdivorce.co.uk or call her on 07975 922766.