Arabella Paul
Arabella is a compassionate, empathetic and positive Relationship Breakdown Specialist with a corporate background in Investment Banking and Executive Search. She guides her clients through relationship challenges. Whether it's relationship revival or divorce survival, with personalised support, she helps couples navigate the complexities, manage difficult emotions, and create clear, actionable plans to move forward with confidence and clarity, always keeping children's wellbeing at the heart of every decision. *Resolution Associate Member*
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/arabellapaul/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedivorcesurvivalcoach/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thedivorcesurvivalcoach/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thedivorcesurvivalcoach
Tamsin Caine
Tamsin is a Chartered Financial Planner with over 20 years experience. She works with couples and individuals who are at the end of a relationship and want agree how to divide their assets FAIRLY without a fight.
You can contact Tamsin at tamsin@smartdivorce.co.uk or arrange a free initial meeting using https://bit.ly/SmDiv15min. She is also part of the team running Facebook group Separation, Divorce and Dissolution UK
Tamsin Caine MSc., FPFS
Chartered Financial Planner
Smart Divorce Ltd
P.S. I am the co-author of “My Divorce Handbook – It’s What You Do Next That Counts”, written by divorce specialists and lawyers writing about their area of expertise to help walk you through the divorce process. You can buy it by scanning the QR code…
(The transcript has been created by an AI, apologies for any mistakes)
amsin Caine: 0:06
Hello and welcome to the Smart Divorce Podcast. Today we're going to be talking about preparing for divorce as part of our current series. And I'm really happy to be joined today by the very fabulous Arabella Paul. Arabella is a divorce coach and she's absolutely wonderful in supporting her clients, those that I've worked with as well, have been just so happy with the support and the work that she uh she does for them. Now, you may not be aware what a divorce coach is, and we're going to let you know all about what it involves, how they can help you through your divorce. Um, and what an what an extra additional brilliant service it is. So the the thing that we always say is that it's really important to have the the three pillars. If you think of a stool with three legs, you need your emotional, your legal, and your financial support through your divorce. And if you're missing one of those legs, then your stool may well fall over. So I'm gonna introduce you to Arabella. I'm gonna ask her to tell you a bit about herself and about how she became a divorce coach. Welcome, Arabella. Nice to see you.
Arabella Paul: 1:22
Ah, lovely to see you too. Thank you so much for having me on.
Tamsin Caine: 1:25
It's an absolute pleasure. So, how did you get into divorce coaching and and how's your um journey into it kind of moved through the process? Because you didn't start off in divorce coaching, did you?
Arabella Paul: 1:38
Far from it. Far from that. Um yeah, my initial career uh was in investment banking. I used to work on the trading floor, the equity trading floor, um for almost 10 years. Um, but I gave that up when I had my children. So a 12-year career break or full-time parent, uh, not break really. No, not at all. Um and then in 2020, um, I found myself facing divorce. And um then I started working as um a headhunter um and focused on financial services. But um I was unfortunately made redundant from that. And so I was looking at what I could do, and all my roles have been about people, and I love people, I love helping people, and I had considered coaching before, but I thought what better thing I could do than be um a life coach than niches in breakup and divorce. And so I trained in that, and um, now I help people.
Tamsin Caine: 2:44
Here we go, here we are.
Arabella Paul: 2:46
Yes.
Tamsin Caine: 2:47
So for those who are not aware, and you know, we're it the word is getting out about divorce coaching, I think. Um, and then you know there are some some very well-known divorce coaches out there now. Um, Tom Nash, Sarah Davison, to name just two, and I'm going to get shot at dawn by Sue Palmer-Conn because I couldn't quite get her name on the end of my tongue. Sorry, Sue. She is absolutely up there as well. So, you know, there are some really big names in in divorce coaching now, but still, I I do feel that a large amount of the population don't know about divorce coaching, just like they don't know you should have a divorce financial planner. But that'll be story for another day. So, what's divorce coaching? How is it different from therapy?
Arabella Paul: 3:34
Right. Well, that's a really good question. So um, the difference between therapy and divorce coaching is this is how I see it. So, divorce coaching is very much about looking at the emotions around divorce and forward thinking, creating a future. Um, as a divorce coach, I help people practically getting all the paperwork together, getting a strategy together, um, demystifying the whole divorce process. But at the same time, I can also help with emotions around divorce, whether that's overwhelm or um guilt or just um complete and utter sadness. But I can't help with sort of deep-seated um things that might have been going on in your childhood that a therapist can deal with.
Tamsin Caine: 4:26
Sure. So sometimes it's necessary to have a therapist as well as a divorce coach.
Arabella Paul: 4:32
Absolutely. And the two can really complement each other.
Tamsin Caine: 4:35
Yeah, absolutely. I think for me, and and you can correct me if this sounds like nonsense. But for me, divorce coaches is the bit that gives practical advice that helps people through their divorce, that holds their hand through the process, but means they're not having to cry on their very expensive lawyers on their very expensive time while the clock's going. Do you is that does that feel like a fair thing to say?
Arabella Paul: 5:06
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I think you've got it spot on. Um, I like to call myself your divorce best friend, but basically, I am the support that you have going through your divorce, um, impartial and objective. So rather than a friend who can be a bit biased, who knows the whole story, I sit back from that, I look at patterns, I listen. But yes, holding the hand all the way through. And indeed, so that um the client isn't spending uh numerous hours talking to solicitor, crying to the solicitor, um, when actually that's sometimes irrelevant to the actual case.
Tamsin Caine: 5:43
Yeah, absolutely. And I I think I think that's hugely important. And we've talked, you know, you you mentioned um grief, and we've talked, we've I've mentioned crying. You know, this is a it's a deep-seated emotional experience to go through divorce. Um, and it and you do go through the grief cycle. And and it might be useful just to talk a little bit about the the experience of grief and and what that how that shows up in people's emotions during the particularly the early days of divorce.
Arabella Paul: 6:18
Yeah, absolutely. Um divorce um is an emotional roller coaster and the grief life cycle, um, you have denial, anger, bargaining, um, depression, and acceptance. And they don't all have to go in a certain order. Um, these feelings can come at any time, but the last one is always acceptance. Um, but when you're going through a breakup or divorce, there's no um obvious path. It takes different people, different amounts of time until they feel they've moved on to the next stage. Um, it's just completely um uh it's different for each person how long that's going to last. But what they have to realize that um, you know, feeling really sad or whatever emotion they're going through is completely normal. And they do need to sit with their feelings as well.
Tamsin Caine: 7:11
Yeah, I love the idea of sitting with your feelings. I first came across that in, oh, I'm not going to be able to remember a name. Apologies, audience. This is the way my head works at the minute. It's the American lady who's not Brene Brown, the other one. Anyway, oh, come back to me. Maybe I'll put it in the show notes. I remember hearing like sitting with your feelings from her, and I was like, Glenn and Doyle. There you go, it's come back to me. Oh, brilliant. Her talking about sitting with your feelings and and that actually letting yourself experience them. And that's really important, isn't it? Particularly in these in these early days of divorce.
Arabella Paul: 7:49
Yeah, I think it is. I think you do. And I think also naming your emotions is really important. Um, so yeah, sitting, accepting your feelings, and accepting that this is a completely normal part of the process. It's part of the healing process.
Tamsin Caine: 8:04
Yeah, of course. I'm gonna rewind us a little bit because we're already into the divorce process and we're um and we're gonna be talking about preparing, preparing yourself. So divorce can come from kind of different angles. So you may be the person who has got to the end of the marriage. You know, it may be, you may be the decision maker, and that and that could have come about for all sorts of reasons, but you may be the one who's kind of slightly ahead because you're the one who who wants to end the relationship, or you might be on the receiving end and somebody's said, I want to end the relationship, and you're hearing that for the first time and and dealing with that, or the third option is that you you've come together and you've both gone, do you know what? This just isn't isn't working. So how can you prepare yourself from any of those three three stages to move? Like, what's the first thing? Like, where do we go from from feeling any of those three feelings?
Arabella Paul: 9:13
Well, I think um I always say to my clients when I first meet them, um, is have you given it your all first? Have you committed for at least three months before making this life-changing decision? I think it's really important that as you go through divorce, that you don't have any regrets. You know you've tried everything. I think that's important. Um, I think um to prepare, uh for me, you've got to really think about staying civil uh as hard as it is, depending on if you're the one that's um uh made the decision or not made the decision. If you've got children, um, I think it's really important, even if it sort of goes against um your grain, to love your kids more than you hate your ex. Because what researchers showed is it's not divorce that harms them, it's actually conflict. So you really want to try to go through this process with as little conflict as possible. Another thing you can do is um file for divorce online yourself rather than a solicitor doing this. But this is, I'm jumping the gun a bit here, talking about that. Um I would say you need to speak to um at least five, if not more, solicitors, um, mediators, and financial advisors. Um and so you can get a feel for who's a really good fit for you because you're gonna be working with these people for a while. And as you say, you do need three um legs to your stool: legal, financial, emotional. And that's your divorce team, your divorce core circle. Um, and I think having those people around you really helps you moving forward.
Tamsin Caine: 11:05
Yeah, absolutely. I pinched the stool from uh Rongen Chatterjee. Um, the stool is in one of his books, and it he doesn't use it for those three particular items, but just should probably credit Ronkin because it was his uh his three-stool idea. I do like it. Okay, yeah, totally agree with you. Uh where you've got children involved, it's vitally important to keep them front and centre, but not put them in the middle. You know, that's that's so important because that conflict can be the thing that really, really does um impact children. Now, I know you work a lot with um clients who are leaving abusive relationships, and there is a slightly different tack when when you're leaving an abusive relationship because that anger and staying in touch and being civil thing is different, isn't it? So, how how if you're in that position, how do things change?
Arabella Paul: 12:06
Yeah, when you're in that sort of situation and you're um parenting like that, um, there's certain things you can do um in terms of um from your side, you you can't control the other person, but you can control how you behave. And um I think uh the way you communicate um or respond to your ex-partner is very important. So um something called canned responses. I don't know if you've come across that.
Tamsin Caine: 12:40
Oh no, can hate by Jamaicwai.
Arabella Paul: 12:47
I think it's an American term, I think that's where it was coined. But basically, it's where you are just it's just fact only. So this is um mainly used when I suppose you're messaging each other on email or text, that sort of thing. And if they send you some sort of inflammatory message, rather than respond back, trying to explain yourself, putting emotion into it, um, which uh you know could you can easily be led to do. Um just take a step back, breathe, and just reply with fact only, or just thank you, thank you, your response is noted, or um, thank you for the information, or um I'll come back to you when I've thought about it further. But I would really take a step back and breathe before you respond to these messages. In terms of um co-parenting with someone like that, it's harder to co-parent. Um, people talk about parallel parenting, and that's often what happens. You can't control um what they're doing um and and how they're behaving with you, but um you keep up your bargain from your side. Um, your children can see how you're responding, how you parent. I think that's hugely important.
Tamsin Caine: 14:17
Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. On the um on the responses uh thing, I was once told, and it was quite a while ago, a couple of things. First thing is you can always write a response like and never actually send it. There's a slight danger of doing that in email. If you're gonna do it in email, start a new email, don't put the don't put the address in because there's that danger that you kind of auto-press and that's not gonna help anybody. So maybe you want to write it down. And there is also something about um the um process of putting pen to paper that that changes the way the brain responds as well. So that might be that might be worth doing. And another thing somebody suggested to me years ago, which I also have been known to do and have done it with clients as well, is actually print the message out and highlight, like go through it and just highlight the the questions that are relating to fact so that you've got your highlighter on the three sentences that actually require a response, but require a response because they're asking for something factual, and then all the rest of it just don't even don't read it, don't don't give it any air time at all. Um so yeah, I think um I think that's that can be quite useful because there's so many inflammatory emails flitting about when you're at that stage as well, aren't they?
Arabella Paul: 15:52
Absolutely, and um I mentioned canned responses, another name can be called grey rocking. So it's almost more just stopping it. So you know they're like and you're just there's nothing. They you're being the wall or the or the gray rock. Um, and so that actually um if you responded with emotion, then the person which was um the ex-partner would want to come in with another more inflammatory message. But if you just grey rock it, um, it's almost like um, was it paper, scissors? Yeah, rock, paper, screw paper, scissors, rock, paper, scissors. I that's how I see it in my mind's eye. So there's like, yeah, the scissors, and then you're just the rock. Like you're just basically dulling, unsharpening. Unsharpening? I don't think that's a word. Call it blunted. Blunting. You're blunting their scissors, is how I see it. With your because you're not reacting. And so they try and they try and they try.
Tamsin Caine: 16:57
Yeah, nothing, nothing.
Arabella Paul: 16:59
I think you're the winner then. If you're the gray rock blunting, blunting their scissors. Yes, making sense.
Tamsin Caine: 17:05
I think that's I think that's absolutely spot on. Uh, you mentioned email, messaging, texting. There, there are so many ways of communicating. I I nearly reached the end of my tether last week with I was looking for a message from somebody and I couldn't remember through what medium it had been sent to me, and I couldn't find the thing, whether it was on Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp or text or email or whatever. And it's so hard to keep a track of. And from a situation where you're divorcing somebody, you want to avoid them being able to come at you from all of the different methods of communication. And there are some options, aren't there?
Arabella Paul: 17:50
Yeah, there are options. Um, there are uh apps um you can work with as a parent for parenting tool. Um, there are various apps that you can use. I'm familiar with um uh Our Family Wizard, and um that's actually really useful for only um communicating on that app. Um, they have a tool whereby, when we're talking about inflammatory messages, if you want to send something um which uh perhaps has got a certain tone or it's not using the right language, um it might say to you, are you sure you want to send this? So that's quite useful. It also records all the messages going back and forth. So that also sort of stops somebody perhaps from sending um something they wouldn't otherwise. Or if they did, well, then it's just there in black and white, and that can be used um later. Um, but I would recommend if you're going through a divorce um or breakup to um not be in contact on social media, like um unfriend them or whatever, but not just with them, I think, with all their friends, mutual friends, because it can really ignite some of your emotions. If you even see um people that you had shared friends with partying, doing things, and then you know, your ex is in there somehow, and that can bring all of the emotions to the surface again. So I would um yeah, sort of uh come off social media contact with that person so that you're only channeling it through perhaps an app if you're parenting.
Tamsin Caine: 19:30
That's definitely good advice. And our family is is certainly um is certainly excellent. I would say um that the only thing is that they if you're in an abusive relationship, there can be a temptation for overkill in terms of just like huge, great, big long messages with one sentence hidden in it somewhere that's giving you a you a piece of information that you need, and then that can be can can kind of increase the abuse. The only thing I would say about it is that you're still getting date stamped messages, those are being saved and recorded, those are able to be, as far as I am aware, and obviously you need to get proper legal advice, but um, they are admissible by the court from what I understand. So worth definitely worth looking into our family wizard because it's an excellent resource. So rewinding a little bit again. Um, so we've we know that whatever situation you're gonna go through the grief process, you probably you've tried your three months of trying everything you possibly can to make this work because as you say, it's a life-changing decision. What next? What how do we what preparations should be made? You've spoken to a you know, a number of lawyers, financial planners, etc., mediators, and you've got your team built. What what other preparations do we need? What things do we need to do?
Arabella Paul: 21:05
Right? Well, I think first of all, we need to sort of prepare for the long haul because it's never going to take less than seven months to get divorced, and that is if you're lucky. So you need to um feel in the right place emotionally. Um, and whether we discussed before, that's with some therapy or with a divorce coach who can help with the emotions around divorce. Um, I think it's good to get familiar with Form E. Um, everybody needs to complete a Form E. Um, there's lots of different paperwork you need for the Form E. So if you become familiar with what's in the Form E, then um that will be helpful. I think it's also really important um to start looking at your expenditure budget forecasts, talking to your financial planner with things um to do with that, um looking at mortgage capacity. Um I think one of the things I would say, if your ex-partner is pushing you not to get legal advice, that's quite a red flag. Be very wary. You need to make sure that you do have um the right support around you, whether it's um with legal support, always, even if you're going through mediation, I would recommend you have legal advice alongside that. Um, but you do find some people, some ex-partners will say, Oh no, no, we don't need a lawyer, we don't need this, we can do it ourselves. But often that's because the ex-partner is a bully and is just wanting you to agree with what they want. So I would always, always recommend legal advice, whatever happens. Um, and as I say, you can speak to a number of um uh uh legal professionals, and most of them give 15 to 30 minutes free and um a free call so you can know sort of who works and ask the same questions to everybody. Also find out what their experience is because you want someone who's day in, day out dealing with a case that might be similar to yours. Um I can help a divorce coach can help with demystifying the divorce process. Um, so I would suggest going through a divorce coach right at the beginning, because I can signpost you, first of all, to all these professionals I talked about, ones that I've rate, um, people like yourselves and other um financial professionals, legal professionals, but I can talk about what the process could look like. I explain out-of-court options, um, and I think it's good to be prepped in that way before you start talking to um solicitors. Sorry, I've just talked for a long time.
Tamsin Caine: 23:51
I am gonna just rewind you a little bit because that you mentioned a form called the Form E. And I'm sure our our listeners who've listened to lots of episodes will be familiar with the For m E. But just in case there are people who just joined us today who haven't heard us before, could you just briefly explain what the for me is and what the point of it is and why it's so important?
Arabella Paul: 24:13
Yeah, basically the Form E's, the Form E, you're putting together um sort of uh you're looking at sort of property savings, investment pensions. So you've got to put together um sort of home valuations, home mortgages, recent statements, um, you need to have um uh savings accounts, building bank account, copies of statements, the last 12 months, life insurance policies, business interests. It's basically um showing um what your financial standpoint is, and both sides have to produce all this information. It's really well, everyone needs to do it. So it's important. And I think a tactic can be from one side to really stall, dig their heels in, and delay the for me, and that delays everything. And it's um yeah, it's something you need to be very aware of because it's I don't know what the word is, it's gone.
Tamsin Caine: 25:11
No, it's vital, it's the it's the vital point, isn't it, of arranging financial settlements. It's the starting point. I think the I think something that is just worth saying. So the for me is a court form that um all solicitors will insist on you completing as the for me. And you can Google it and you can find a copy of it so that you can see what might be involved. And we'll talk um later in this series to uh fellow Connor in more detail about that. Um but what is worth bearing in mind is that some mediators use their own versions of the Form E. So they will collect the financial information for both of you in a slightly different way, but it essentially replicates everything that needs to be collected on the Form E. So it is worth having a look at it, getting familiar with it, knowing what information you're going to need and is going to be required and starting to gather that together, I think is is hugely important. Um, but yeah, if you do read it and go, that looks a horrifically long form and it's going to be really complicated. Don't worry too much. We will go into much, much more detail later on in this series about about that, what about what that is. Can't speak either. We're having our tongues tied up today. I don't know what's been going on over the weekend, Arabella, but we're both struggling, aren't we? Um I jump in for a second.
Arabella Paul: 26:31
We talked about you talked about mediation just then. Um, I don't know if everyone knows this. In fact, I know that uh most people don't necessarily, but if you have children, the government give you a 500-pound voucher towards mediation. Um, that's quite important to know. Um, also, I find often solicitors say it the Form E is they're sort of bugbear. They're always chasing their clients to get their Form E together. And this is where you know divorce coach comes in because I can really help you get everything together, like just sit with you, whether it's in person or online, it's like, right, we need this, we need that, you know, go and get this, go and get that. So you're organized and therefore you don't have the solicitor chasing you. And guess what? When they chase you, they also charge you.
Tamsin Caine: 27:13
Yeah, absolutely. That is uh that is is very worth uh mentioning it. Um, you also mentioned um before about seeing a therapist early on in the process if there are emotional things that that you need to deal with. And something that I often say to my clients is you need to be in an emotion in the best emotional place you can possibly be in, because you are going to be making, as you said before, life-changing decisions. You're going to decide what's going to happen with your financial future and with your children's future. And it's really important you're in a really, really good place. Um, I know one of the things that you focus on with your clients is self-care. Can you talk to me a little bit about that and about what you're what you're talking to your clients about?
Arabella Paul: 28:05
Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Um, self-care, hugely important. And as you say, you've got to be in the best frame of mind um to go through a divorce. You've got to be in the right place, emotionally regulated, um, and feel strong. Um, well, one of the things I do um with my clients, and actually I've been doing this on um Instagram and Facebook and TikTok uh recently. Uh, every day I share a positive practical tip of how you can lift your mood or um how you can feel um positively strengthened. Um, but we talk about um various things you can do. I also know lots of tips and techniques to um dial down emotions if you feel overwhelm or you're feeling one of the divorce um emotions. I say divorce emotions because there are a lot of emotions around divorce and a lot that are specifically because of a divorce. It's not because of something from your childhood necessary, and that's what a therapist would deal with. Um, but yeah, I can there's lots of tips I can um give you that help you regulate yourself and help you regulate yourself as well as you go into meetings. Um, you talked about um writing when we um when we were talking about uh writing something rather than sending it, um, and journaling your thoughts, um, positive or negative is a very healthy way to help get thoughts onto paper. Actually, it doesn't have to be paper, I write mine onto um my notes or my phone, but it's out of your mind and onto something, and that helps clear your mind because you just want to have as much space as possible to think more strategically. But in terms of terms of self care, and part of my divorce core circle that I recommend is having an exercise buddy as well, because um not only being um uh emotionally well, but by exercising that also helps your emotions and that helps your healthy in body, in mind, eating well, sleeping well. So then if you have an exercise buddy, then that's something to encourage you to do whatever exercise you want to do. And sometimes when someone's saying, Come on, let's go, let's go for a walk, let's go for a run, let's go to an exercise exercise class, or let's go dancing. I like dancing. Um, then yeah, that's really helpful. But yeah, self-care is hugely important.
Tamsin Caine: 30:34
I think an exercise buddy is a great idea. I um so I have a running buddy, and um we arrange to meet at, I mean, this may not sound ridiculously early to lots of people, but we often arrange to meet at like eight, half eight on a weekend day, on a Sunday, particularly. And I'm always like, oh, the alarm goes off. And I'm like, it's Sunday. What am I even thinking about? But because I've committed to somebody else, um, I always uh get my backside out of bed and get dressed and go and meet him. And we met on Sunday and he was like, What are we doing? I was like, I know it's really early. And he said, I was looking at my phone, hoping you were gonna WhatsApp and cancel. And I was like, I was doing the same, but neither of us did. And we went out and we did our run and felt felt much, much better and very virtuous for having done it. So that's a brilliant tip. I love that one. That's really good. We're kind of coming to the end of our chat today. Um, and I wondered if you could talk me through a little bit how you can provide support to clients and how they might contact you before we finish.
Arabella Paul: 31:49
So, as I said earlier on, I think, I would recommend um as soon as you know or feel that divorce is the way things are going, that you contact um a divorce coach. Um, and then they have so much knowledge um and can demystify the whole process um that that's the first point of call. They can also recommend you to um really highly rated um legal professionals, finance professionals as well. Um, and the way to contact me, I have a website. I'm called the Divorce Survival Coach. Um, my website is basically that, the divorce survivalcoach.com. Um, and that is my name on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok. Um, if you are to find me on LinkedIn, I also work with corporates to help their employees. It's Arabella Paul. Um, yeah, that's the best way to find me. And working with me um or with any divorce coach um really saves money over the long run because you are spending less time um sharing your emotions with your solicitor. And we can work through things strategically. I can prepare you for your meetings with the um solicitors and therefore saving time and money because you're just not clocking up the hours as much. One thing I would recommend as you're going through your divorce that I didn't mention, um, is keep it keep an eye, make a note of all the time you do spend on the phone writing emails to your solicitor so you don't get a complete surprise when the bill comes through.
Tamsin Caine: 33:24
Let's get a nice I like that tip. You've recently set up a community, haven't you, for um those going through divorce?
Arabella Paul: 33:32
Uh yes. So when I was going through divorce, it's a very lonely time because your friends or most of your friends are not really understanding this process. I slightly liken it to childbirth unless you've gone through it. And everyone's um experience of childbirth and divorce is different. But unless you've really gone through it, you don't really know what it's like. Um, and so I set up this thing called the Next Chapter Collective. Um, and I'm doing it currently locally where I live in Tunbridge Wells. And it's for men and women to meet for drinks uh once a month. And it's just basically a social space, a friendly space to make um friendships, connections, um, for with others who've been through a similar situation, who really get it, who know what it's like. But not only just to meet other people to hang out with, when you've got children, and perhaps you don't have children for one week on or one week off, um, and you want to do things, but all your friends are busy because they've got their family. It's really nice to have others to go out with, to go for drinks, to go to the cinema, to go dancing, um, to exercise with. But yeah, just to have a group of people who also have child-free weeks or days, um, and just yeah, make a new set of friends. I'm not saying lose your old friends, just add to your friendship group. And I love it. And I'm actually going to, from the beginning of next year, um, going to be doing these in London as well.
Tamsin Caine: 35:07
Excellent. That sounds fantastic. And they can find out about that on your website.
Arabella Paul: 35:13
Yeah, well, there's a page on my website called The Next Chapter Collective. Uh, you can join a Facebook group. You can um find out about my events on Eventbrite, but there's a link on there as well. Um, I think, yeah, that's the way to go about it. Um, Facebook group or Eventbrite.
Tamsin Caine: 35:32
Perfect. That's wonderful. Anything that I should have asked you that I haven't asked you?
Arabella Paul: 35:39
Um, I'm trying to think. Um I think we've gone through pretty much everything that I can think of. I oh, I I don't know if I mentioned before, might have right at the beginning, but I think I was jumping the gun a bit about um uh jumping straight into divorcing online. Um, but one thing I would say that I would recommend you divorce, you sorry, you um do the admin or filing for divorce online rather than your solicitor, because it's much cheaper that way because you're not paying the solicitor costs for them to do it when it's very easy to do it yourself.
Tamsin Caine: 36:17
Yeah, absolutely. There are a couple of um tick boxes on there that I think you need to just be aware of when you are completing them online, but mostly you can you can find out about how to tick the right things on um online. Uh so yeah, definitely kind of Google that and have a look and make sure you're ticking the right boxes. I do know I did have a client who ticked the wrong box, or there was a but there is a there was a box that they should have ticked and they didn't, or did tick and they anyway, whichever way around. But just do have do do a bit of research before you do, because I've always said exactly the same, but just do do a bit of research before you submit it and make sure that you read the questions carefully. It sounds like an exam before you uh submit them because it is important that it that it's done right.
Arabella Paul: 37:10
Exactly. if you did have a question, and then yes, you ask um a divorce coach or or uh solicitor, you know, just to make sure you're doing it correctly. Yeah.
Tamsin Caine: 37:18
Absolutely perfect. Thank you for joining me today, Arabella. And I do want to also just mention because you have recently won an award, and I just wanted to say many congratulations on that, because that's quite something. Do you want to tell us what the award's for?
Arabella Paul: 37:34
Yes, so um the award is the Prestige Wards 25 2025, 2026 for relationship coaching services for the south of England.
Tamsin Caine: 37:47
Wonderful. That's fantastic. Um many congratulations on that. That's brilliant and absolutely well deserved. Um, thank you all for joining us today. Uh, we will be back in a couple of weeks with our next episode. But thank you for joining us. If you have enjoyed and found this episode useful, please do leave us a five-star review because it does help us to get the word out more widely and help more people. So many thanks and thank you for joining me, Arabella. Thank you. Thank you so much. Hi, and I hope you enjoyed that episode of the Smart Divorce Podcast. If you would like to get in touch, please have a look in the show notes for our details or go onto the website www.smartdivorce.co.uk. Also, if you are listening on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify and you wouldn't mind leaving us a lovely five-star review, that would be fantastic. I know that lots of our listeners are finding this incredibly helpful in their journey through separation, divorce, and dissolving a civil partnership. Also, if you would like some further support, we do have a Facebook group now. It's called Separation, Divorce and Dissolution UK. Please do go on to Facebook, search up the group, and we'd be delighted to have you join us. Um, the one thing I would say is do please answer their membership questions. Okay, have a great day and take care of